


why am i still here?

by OedipusOctopus



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Because that's what this is, Falling In Love, First Love, First Relationship, First Time, I will finish this eventually i swear, Idiots in Love, M/M, Victor is a sap, Viktor is yuuri's ta/tutor/boyfriend, Yuuri is a fifth year I feel his pain, ace spec yuuri, and also a young boy's anxiety, because yuuri/phichit is the ultimate brotp, hope you enjoy italics, lit major yuuri meets his wattpad idol, mari is a sass master, so much inner monologue sorry not sorry, this has little direction (a real life parallel), viktor is a math major because i said so?, what is the opposite of a slow burn called, yuuri and phichit are going to be bffs, yuuri is full of self-doubt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-08 10:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11080017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OedipusOctopus/pseuds/OedipusOctopus
Summary: Yuuri finds himself in his fifth year at university, dreading taking a freshman level math course. He imagines his Russian TA to be a curmudgeonly hardass, only to find he's a total hottie! Yuuri isn't suave, attractive, or exceptional in any way, but somehow Victor takes a liking to him."Viktor’s hand landed on Yuuri’s shoulder. This time, however, Viktor was leaning impossibly close to Yuuri, their noses almost touching.Yuuri gasped and tried to back up in his chair, but ended up smacking his forehead right into Viktor’s nose with a sickeningcrunch. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Yuuri asked before he could stop himself.A slick smile spread across Viktor’s face as he finished sopping up his bodily fluids. With a final wipe to his slightly swollen nose, he turned to Yuri with a mischievous sparkle in his too-blue eyes. “A date.”"





	1. Russian Hard-ass Indeed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! ^^ this is my first work on ao3 so i'm super sorry if the formatting is off. I have 8 chapters of this posted on ffn, so i'll hopefully get all of those posted over here and continue! Updates will probably be pretty slow. Please enjoy! :)  
> Sidenote: When I wrote this originally I used the sub canon name spellings (Yuri and Victor) but I'm trying to go through and change them all, so if I miss a few i'm so sorry! Also, _italics_ indicate Yuuri's thoughts or emphasis, **_bolded italics_** indicate Viktor's thoughts.

_I can’t believe I’m still here._

Yuuri held the door open for a few of his classmates as he exited his first class… of his _fifth_ year at university. Due to having to work fulltime for his family’s restaurant and hot spring, Yuuri could take only a few classes each semester, and as such quickly fell behind on his four-year plan. His parents assured him that it was no big deal, that many students finished or even started late, if they went to uni at all. Still, Yuuri felt like an incompetent _loser_. He had no friends here because they’d all graduated, and there was no way his 22-almost-23-year-old ass was going to make friends with a bunch of 18 year-olds.

A huge sigh escaped his lips as he made his way to his next class; it wasn’t even a true class, but a tutorial for one of his more difficult math classes ( _Why did I wait this long to fulfill my math credit?_ ). The last thing he needed was to face a TA who started at uni the same year as he, but had already moved on to bigger and better things.

When Yuuri arrived to his next class, there were only 6 or 7 other students already at desks, and absolutely no sign of his TA. Yuuri looked down at his schedule on his phone.

_Viktor… Nikiforov? Great, a Russian hardass who is sure to expect too much from students…_

Yuuri took a seat at the edge of the second row. _Just close enough to see and hear everything, but not so close that I’ll be expected to answer questions_. While he scrolled through his Instagram feed--all of his friends posted pictures of happy faces as they received job offer after job offer, a few had sparkly engagement rings, some a new pet to warm up their new homes--more students trickled in, no more than 10. Taking a glance around the room, Yuuri noticed no more than 20 students present when the clock struck 2:00, signalling the beginning of class.

_Whoever this Russian guy is, he sure is running a bit--_

“Hello class! Sorry I’m late! First day of a new year and all, hehe…”

Yuuri looked up from his cell phone and immediately froze. This was no Russian hardass, surely. This man was… young and so, so beautiful. There was a slight Russian accent in his voice, but was barely detectable. Yuuri was sure his own Japanese accent was much thicker, even after living in Detroit all these years.

Gulping thickly as the TA scrambled to organize his book bag and dry erase markers at the front of the room, Yuuri took the time to fully appreciate his physique.

He was slim, but so very tall. His hair was a silvery blonde color, obviously not due to age. His jaw was strong, nose narrow and pointed high in the air. The pinkest, plumpest set of lips Yuuri had ever laid eyes on stretched widely across his mouth as he smiled jovially. His cheekbones were high and prominent, adding to the androgynous quality of his handsome-beautiful face. But most of all, his eyes were absolutely brilliant. Yuuri had never seen eyes as crisp and clear as this man’s; they were a striking icy blue, so gorgeous one couldn’t help but be drawn to them.

Yuuri’s heart seemed to stop beating for an entire 30 seconds as he continued to stare at the most enchanting person he’d ever seen.

Yuuri was not the most attractive person in the world, he was well aware. All through grade school, his weight fluctuated greatly. He was as simple as they come: pale, too fat to be skinny but too skinny to be truly fat, dull black hair that hung just above his ears, flat brown eyes, and perhaps the nerdiest glasses of the century--and not the chic, hipster nerd kind of way. On top of all of that, he was socially awkward and held interests which most people did not, most of them based in classical literature. Sure, he’d gone on a few dates (mostly those of the blind persuasion), but none of them were successful enough to warrant a second, let alone an entire relationship. Yuuri wasn’t sure he’d ever felt any sort of attraction to anyone, physical or otherwise.

Until today.

Yuuri could only imagine how red his face was at this point. Thankfully, there were enough students in the room that the TA should not notice.

“Anyway, class,” began the man at the front of the room. “Obviously today we won’t be going over any topics from lecture, since there has not been one yet, so I thought I could start off by telling you all a bit about myself!” He smiled brightly, walking around to the front of the desk by the whiteboard. He leaned back against the desk, resting his palms flat on the beige surface. “My name is Viktor Nikiforov, but you can call me Viktor! I’m currently a graduate student here, where I also studied for my undergraduate degree. I hope to have a great semester helping you all learn about the great wonders of math! I know it can be daunting at first, but with a little one-on-one help, I’m sure you’ll all do just fantastic!”

Yuuri shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Viktor’s eyes scanned the room, making sure to establish eye contact with everyone he could.

“I’ve written my email address on the board. Don’t hesitate to send a question about any topic my way, I’ll try to work it out as fast as I can.” He gestured to the board behind him. “Well, that’s about all I have to say… if anyone has any questions, feel free to speak up.” Viktor continued to smile brightly, reaching a hand to the back of his neck awkwardly.

Yuuri began to pack up his things, when he heard a girl’s voice ask loudly, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Several other girls giggled. Yuuri’s head whipped around in shock.

_The audacity of this girl! You don’t just ask a TA such a personal question! She must be a freshman…_

Yuuri saw that a group of 6 or 7 girls, all cute and dolled up for their first day of classes, sitting together, a few of them blushing, all of them staring right at Viktor at the front of the room.

Viktor chuckled lightly, seemingly unbothered by her absurdly personal inquiry. “I’m afraid not… uh, what’s your name?”

The girl lit up possibly 100 shades of red. “Melinda.”

“Melinda,” he echoed, smile growing ever larger.

_Oh great, just another womanizing TA hoping to take advantage of young vulnerable girls._

Yuuri couldn’t help but frown a little as he realized what kind of man this “Viktor” must be if he is shamelessly flirting on the first day of class. He also couldn’t help the sudden ache in his chest at the realization that he would never have a chance with his hot TA.

_Wait, what?_

There was no way Yuuri expected anything to come of what was obviously a crush at first sight. He had come to terms with the fact that he didn’t experience sexual attraction to women in his first year of high school. He later came to terms with the fact that he didn’t experience sexual attraction to men, either. He later came to terms with the fact that he’d never experience sexual attraction to anyone. Around the same time, he realized that no one would ever feel sexual attraction to him, either.

Yuuri shook his head to rid his brain of these idle thoughts. He obviously wasn’t Viktor’s type, since he had not breasts, nor short skirts.

Viktor cleared his throat as the girls continued to giggle and shriek over the fact that he’d said Melinda’s name. “Well, if there are no further questions… we’ll continue this next week!” To emphasize his--albeit over enthusiastic--words, he clapped his hands together and grinned widely.

Yuuri picked up his bag and cell phone, still distracted by thoughts of his TA naked-- _oh my god I can’t seriously be thinking these things right now_ \--and darted out the door, not looking back.

He knew we was supposed to be home by this hour, but Yuuri couldn’t muster the motivation to head back to his family’s home just yet. Instead, he picked up a salad from a convenience store on campus and found an empty bench under his favorite tree on campus.

It was a huge maple tree. He had never seen anything like it before arriving to university. Its leaves were much larger than his hand, even when he spread his fingers as far apart as they could go. At this time of the year, the foliage was still a bright lime green without a sign of the impending golds, oranges, and reds that would soon dot the tree’s branches. Yuuri sighed deeply for what must have been the millionth time that day. He leaned his back against the thick trunk behind him, grateful for the shade on this warm August afternoon.

He popped open the plastic lid of his lunch. “Itadakimasu,” he muttered quietly before digging into the overpriced shreds of lettuce.

As he chewed, Yuuri thought back to the tutorial with the inhumanly hot TA. All through the rest of Yuuri’s classes, he couldn’t forget Viktor’s smiling face, how handsome he looked up there at the front of the classroom.

_Ugh, what are you, 16? Snap out of it, Katsuki. This isn’t like you._

“You must be thinking about something pretty hard, huh?”

A husky, somehow very familiar voice cut him out of his ridiculous thoughts. Yuuri snapped his head up from his food and nearly choked.

There he was, the hot TA he’d just been day dreaming about.

Yuuri blushed brightly. He fumbled with the salad in his hands, nearly dropping his fork on the ground. “I, uh--- I--I, um…” Yuuri sputtered.

Viktor looked down on him, chuckling lightly. “I believe you’re one of the students in my tutorial, right?”

Yuuri could not find the words, so he simply nodded.

Viktor was quiet for a moment, but kept looking at Yuuri’s face expectantly. “Do you mind if I sit here?” He pointed to the empty spot next to Yuuri.

Again, Yuuri could say nothing, so he nodded. He scooted over a smidge as Viktor sat down.

Viktor set his bag by his feet and stretched his arms above his head, letting out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a satisfied moan. The sweet scent of vanilla and something else, something slightly musky, wafted toward Yuuri, and he flushed an even deeper shade of red--if that was even possible. Yuuri quickly realized he had been staring at Viktor as he set about gathering his own food and looked back down at his salad. He shoved a forkful of leafy greens in his mouth as Viktor said, “You seem to be a bit older than the other students I saw today.”

Yuuri nearly choked from pure embarrassment for the second time in two minutes. Carefully chewing and swallowing, he took a sip of his water and sighed. “Um, well, yeah, I kinda waited until the last minute to, uh, fill my, uh, math credit…” _Damn it, Katsuki, what the hell is this? Now there’s definitely no way Viktor will want anything to do with me!_

Viktor smiled warmly and opened his container of food, also a salad. “I did the same. My final year, I decided to take my required math course, only to find out that I really enjoyed the subject.” He looked up at the tree branches above them. “It was truly a shame. I’d already wasted three years on a literature degree, and here I was, falling in love with math.” Viktor chuckled lightly. “I hope the same doesn’t happen to you, as great as I think math is.”

_I’m definitely falling in love with something._

Yuuri’s eyes widened at the thought.

“Though, it all worked out in the end, I suppose. I’m right where I want to be.” Viktor made eye contact with Yuuri and winked. He took a bite of his food, staring into the distance. Yuuri watched as his jaw muscles worked around the food, watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

Viktor looked in his direction, having realized Yuuri was staring. “What is your major?”

Yuuri rested his fork on the edge of the salad container. “Um, l--literature.”

Viktor’s eyes widened. “Really? What a coincidence!” His whole face lit up. “I did end up graduating with my literature degree, you know. What first got you interested in studying literature?”

“Um…” This was a question Yuuri had been asked many times, by family and strangers alike. He often got a lot of weird, disapproving looks when he said he was a literature student. Yuuri thought back to middle school, when he discovered the wonders of WattPad. He learned that the written word was not something inaccessible, as he had presumed by his near-failing English grades all through elementary. Amidst the angsty pre-teen short stories posted to the website, Yuuri had found a writer who seemed to understand his very soul, his every thought. This writer had taken the English language and crafted such vivid stories, always crediting his inspiration--from Hemingway to Steinbeck to Carroll to Rice. Yuuri not only read this writer’s stories, but every book the writer mentioned as inspiration. He would check the writer’s page on WattPad every night when he got home from school to see if there was anything new. Yuuri knew nothing about the writer himself--his screenname was VN_IceKing, not much to go off of. “It’s actually pretty silly…”

Viktor tilted his head and his brow furrowed slightly. “Inspiration can strike at any moment, never is it silly,” he spoke clearly, seriously.

“Ah.. well…” Yuuri debated whether he should spout the truth or fabricate some silly lie, something about reading a certain book in high school and connecting with it or something. He didn’t want his TA to think he’s some immature, silly boy on the first day of the semester, when Yuuri was sure to have to talk to him at some point soon--it’s not like math was Yuuri’s best subject. He quickly decided he was going to say he really liked Heart of Darkness in high school and it changed his life, but his mouth betrayed him. “Well, uh, therewasthiswriterIreallylikedonWattPadanditgotmeinterestedinliterature.” It rushed out of him all in one breath. He hadn’t a moment to think about what he’d just said.

_Oh my god, I can’t believe I said that. He must think I’m some kind of fangirl freak._

Viktor stared at him for some time, his expression unreadable. After a few beats, he finally spoke, “WattPad, you said?”

Yuuri had been staring into his salad bowl during the whole ordeal, his hands twisting together in nervousness. He nodded slightly.

“Wow, another coincidence, huh? I used to write on WattPad in grade school! I remember checking my view count every night, wishing I had more popular stories. I wanted to be a great, like Hemingway or Steinbeck… or Carroll or Rice.” Viktor continued to lazily take a few bites out of his salad, again looking at something in the distance.

Yuuri’s eyes widened and again he almost dropped his entire bowl of food. Could he..? _No, absolutely not. Those are all extremely famous writers, I’m sure he just now thought of them._

The blonde chuckled again, setting his salad next to him on the bench. “I remember my username was something silly, something about royalty and ice. It sure was cold in Russia at the time, and I had a huge ego.”

His ears began to ring, his hands began to shake. _No way. This can’t be…_ Yuuri’s breath faltered as he remembered how he left comments on every single work form VN_IceKing.

_VN… Viktor… Nikiforov…_

Again, Viktor laughed lightly. “I remember that even though none of my stories were very popular, there was one person who always commented on my stories, encouraging me to keep writing, never once giving me criticism.”

Yuuri made a strangled yelp, actually spilling the contents of the disposable plastic container in his lap.

“Oh my, are you alright?” Viktor looked at Yuuri, eyes shining.

“I-- um-- I just remembered! I have-- um, an assignment due in five minutes! I have to go! Um, bye!” Yuuri picked up the now empty plastic bowl, as well as his bag, and nearly sprinted away from Viktor.

_This can’t be. There’s no way. This is impossible. I’m being stupid right now._

"Assignment? It’s the first day of class…” Viktor mumbled under his breath as he watched his student flee. He rested his chin in his hand and cracked a small smile. **_This boy… is certainly fascinating._**


	2. dream sequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which yuuri hurts viktor

_ Oh my god… why did I have to say all those things to him? I just wanted to have a calm, normal victory lap before I graduate… _

The rest of the week had been normal, no other strange occurrences for Yuuri. Somehow he managed to never run into his hot TA, Viktor, again. But 2:00 PM Monday approached much too quickly, and yet again he found himself waiting in a tiny classroom in the math building. Waiting for the star of his dreams for the past week. 

Yuuri scrolled through his Instagram feed, mind already numb to the vast amount of engagement photos, family photos, new house photos…

“Good afternoon class! I hope everyone found the lectures to be informative!” Viktor waltzed into the classroom, a few minutes late, again. A wide smile painted his face three thousand shades of gorgeous. “Does anyone have any topics they’d like to discuss?”

A few students raised their hands and mentioned a few points from class. Viktor noted all of them on the board, in the upper left corner. Yuuri zoned out, heart pounding harshly, his blood rushing loudly in his ears. He felt his face heat up at the thought of what happened on the bench under his favorite tree last week. 

_ There’s no way Viktor is the same person… there’s no way.  _

Yuuri had logged back onto to WattPad as soon as he got home that evening, only struggling for a few minutes to remember his username and password. He re-read every one of VN_IceKing’s stories and had fallen in love again. He was ashamed. How could he react this way, after all these years? He’d never felt love or any other sort of emotion other than friendship toward anyone in his life. 

“What about you, Yuuri? Did you find anything confusing about first degree derivatives?” Viktor’s soft voice knocked him from his thoughts. Yuuri looked up at him, still dazed from his romantic daydreams. The TA’s face was not angry or even stern, but a gentle smile graced his lips and his eyes looked legitimately concerned. 

Yuuri’s breath caught in his throat for a moment. He’d almost forgotten how beautiful Viktor was--no, he hadn’t “almost forgotten,” he’d simply convinced himself that his mental image of Viktor couldn’t be a real possibility, couldn’t be human. Shaking his head, Yuuri whispered “Ah, no.”

Viktor nodded slightly in response. “Well then, let’s look at problem 32, page 105 in your textbooks, shall we?”

 

50 minutes of awkwardly avoiding eye contact later, Yuuri couldn’t wait to bolt from the classroom and get away from he who makes his heart and mouth stutter. When Viktor signalled the end of class, Yuuri had already packed up all of his things and was halfway to his freedom--

“Yuuri? Can I speak to you for a moment?”

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck this can’t be happening! _

Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat at Victor’s mention of his name. Hearing that husky, sensual voice speak his name sent shivers down his spine, all the way to his toes. Every night for the past week, Yuuri had dreamt up all sorts of wild scenarios involving himself, Viktor, and very little clothing. In all of the dreams, Viktor spoke his name often, so clearly, so  _ lovingly _ …

“Yuuri? Is everything alright? You seemed distracted all through class.” Viktor was suddenly standing beside him and reached out a hand to rest on Yuuri’s shoulder. Only then did Yuuri realize how much taller Viktor was; he stood at least a head taller than Yuuri. 

“Um, I’m very sorry! I--I just have a lot on my mind!” Yuuri immediately felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He’d spent all week thinking about this beautiful man, but couldn’t even pay attention to him for less than an hour? It became obvious to Yuuri that the feelings he harbored for Viktor couldn’t be anything more than physical attraction if he couldn’t so much as give him an hour of his time. 

_ Who am I? What am I doing? _

Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s shoulder briefly before allowing his arm to rest at his side. “I see. If you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here to help.” Again with the dazzling smile. His face lit up, as if he’d had a lightbulb moment. Quickly, Viktor pulled a notebook out of his bag and tore out a small piece of paper. He scribbled something down with a dry erase marker and held out the scrap to Yuuri. “Here’s my phone number. I’m all ears.”

Yuuri stared at the piece of paper in Viktor’s hand. Never in any of his wildest dreams did Yuuri imagine Viktor would be willing to talk to him on a regular enough basis that there would be  _ phone numbers _ involved. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed the paper from Viktor’s (long, probably dextrous) fingers. Their fingers brushed ever so slightly, and Yuuri’s heart began racing all over again. Viktor smiled down at him, looking so innocent and genuinely happy that Yuuri couldn’t help but offer a small smile back. 

Viktor’s eyes widened slightly. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile.” Yuri felt the tips of his ears heat up. “It looks good on you, I’ll have to make you smile for the rest of your days.”  _ Wink. _

Body sufficiently numb, Yuuri nodded curtly, pivoted on his heel, and walked briskly out of the classroom. He could hear nothing, feel nothing. It was as if he had tunnel vision. He made a beeline to the nearest bathroom, not caring that he’d surely be late to his next class. 

Taking a seat in the nearest open stall, Yuuri dropped his bag onto the ground and clutched the small piece of notebook paper in his hands. For a reason unbeknownst to him, tears welled up in his eyes, and before long, small droplets dotted the tiny, ripped afterthought of a note. 

What was Viktor doing to him? First, he’d had Yuuri experience all of these new feelings he’d only ever read about, and now he’s--he’s--

_ He’s just being friendly, you idiot! He probably feels sorry for you. _

A strangled cry escaped Yuuri’s lips. He dropped the note and covered his mouth with his hands as he continued to cry ( _ Why am I crying? _ ). If Viktor really was VN_IceKing… there was no coming back from the sheer embarrassment Yuuri felt over commenting on every single one of his stories. Viktor probably thought he was some crazy stalker fangirl in love with him.

The sad part was, three out of four of those things were absolutely true about Yuri. Was it too early to call it love? Yuuri thought so. He’d just come to understand that his feelings had to be purely sexual. Lust, not love. 

But he also thought back to all of the dreams he’d had involving Viktor. True, many were of sexual escapades and euphoric throes of passion, but many were also of the two on dates, having normal conversations, enjoying each other’s company without any physical implication. 

And yet… in none of them did he and Viktor share a kiss. 

Yuuri brushed it off, thinking it had to do with the fact that he’d never  _ had _ a kiss to begin with.

_ What a loser… _

 

Every night. Every night that week Yuuri thought of texting Viktor. He’d start a text message draft, but delete it before sending. Anything from a simple “Hey! It’s Yuuri,” to “It’s Yuuri, from your math tutorial. I realized I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you walk in the room, and you are what has been distracting me.” Nothing felt right. Nothing seemed to capture what Yuuri wanted to say. 

It was absolutely ridiculous. Not only was he acting like a schoolgirl, he was a  _ literature major _ for god’s sake! Words were his forte, not his downfall. 

When the clock truck 2:00 PM that Monday, Yuuri instantly felt ill. His stomach churned, his throat burned, his face felt warm. 

His chest ached.

His phone lay face-down on his desk, his hands twisting nervously in his lap. Viktor walked in the room, right on cue, and Yuuri fell all over again. His breath hitched, the words “ _ Take me _ ” stuck in his throat. 

With his bag situated on the desk in front of him, book opened to the first chapter, Viktor opened up the class by asking if anyone had any problems to go over. And again, Yuuri was lost in thoughts of his TA--more accurately, of he and his TA participating in activities less than appropriate. 

Of all his wild imaginary instances of their encounters, Yuuri’s favorite had to be how he imagined their first date would go. 

Viktor would pick him up from his parents’ house with something cheesy in tow--probably a single rose. “ _ For the only rose in the world without thorns _ .” Something Viktor had written in one of his stories many years ago. That dazzling smile. 

They’d drive for 20 minutes to somewhere Yuuri had never been, a nice seafood restaurant. 

_ “I thought of taking you to a Russian restaurant, but I have yet to find one good enough for my taste here.” _

Either way, Yuuri would be delighted simply to spend time with Viktor, but he won’t tell him that. 

They’d enjoy a nice meal, making small talk. Viktor would tell an enthralling story about his adventures as a graduate student, Yuuri would chuckle, take a sip of his wine, tell an--albeit less enthralling--story in response. Viktor would chuckle, reach for Yuuri’s hand over the table and grab his fingers. Viktor would rub small circles on Yuuri’s thumb. They’d continue getting to know each other through small anecdotes and a few questions here and there. Yuuri would learn that Viktor had a younger brother, whose name was--interestingly enough--Yuri, though Victor called him Yurio. Viktor would learn that Yuuri worked hard throughout his college career, helping out his family, which is why he’s still at uni as an undergraduate. Viktor would casually bring up that he couldn’t quite place Yuuri’s accent, and Yuuri would respond by telling him that the Katsuki family lived in Japan until he was about 12 before moving to Detroit. The candle on their table would begin to flicker wildly as the wax continued to wane almost into nothing. Both of their wine glasses would be refilled several times, neither of them noticing when the waitress came to their table. They ate merrily their entrees and desserts. Yuuri wouldn’t be able to count the number of times he got lost in one of Viktor’s intricately woven tales, or his sweet laughter, or the way he would look at Yuuri with such adoration. Those eyes--they would tell Yuuri everything he ever wanted to know. 

The waitress would come up to their table and kindly let them know that the restaurant had closed half an hour ago. 

_ “Oh, I’m so sorry miss, _ ” Viktor would say kindly. “ _ It seems we lost track of time. If you could please bring the check, I’ll be happy to pay and we’ll be out of your hair.” _ That award-winning smile. 

_ “It’s quite alright if you’d like to split the bill,” _ Yuuri would interject as the waitress walked away. 

_ “Don’t be silly. I asked you on this date. I’m more than happy to spoil you tonight.” _ A wink. Yuuri would soon come to anticipate that teasing weak after Viktor’s many cheeky comments.

Viktor would drive him back to his house. Halfway there, Yuuri would realize that this isn’t the way back home. After questioning Viktor, he would respond that it was a surprise. Eventually, they would pull up to a parking lot with a gazebo overlooking a lake. Lights from nearby buildings would reflect off of the rippling waters. A cool breeze would lightly tousle Viktor’s hair, and Yuuri would gasp as he looked at Viktor, standing with his hands in his pockets as he looked down at the waters, soft moonlight bouncing off of his impossibly beautiful face. 

_ “You captured my interest as soon as I walked in that door, Yuuri.” _

“---Yuuri? Yuuri? Are you alright?” Again, Viktor’s hand landed on Yuuri’s shoulder. This time, however, Viktor was leaning impossibly close to Yuuri, their noses almost touching. 

Yuuri gasped and tried to back up in his chair, but ended up smacking his forehead right into Viktor’s nose with a sickening  _ crunch _ . “Oh my god I am so sorry Viktor! Oh god, do you need a tissue?” Yuuri could see a small stream of blood trickle between the cracks of Viktor’s fingers as he held his nose. 

Viktor’s voice came out nasally. “It’s quite alright! But yes, a tissue sounds great.”

Yuuri handed him the whole box of tissues from the front desk. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again. How stupid could be possibly make himself look? “I’m so sorry! I--um, oh my god I’m so sorry!”

Viktor waved him off nonchalantly, as if his nose wasn’t bleeding profusely. 

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Yuuri asked before he could stop himself. 

A slick smile spread across Viktor’s face as he finished sopping up his bodily fluids. With a final wipe to his slightly swollen nose, he turned to Yuri with a mischievous sparkle in his too-blue eyes. “A date.”

He could hear his heartbeat flatline. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around to read the second chapter! ^^


	3. in which yuuri forgot his morning meds and thought this was all a dream

Surely he’d heard wrong.

“A--a--a date?”

Yuuri’s mind had been blown. His _heart_ had been blown to little bits from the sheer shock of the now very real possibility of going on a date with Viktor.

Viktor continued smiling, his confidence never wavering. “That’s right, a date. You want to make this little bit of violence up to me? Let me take you on a date.”

This had to be a joke. Yuuri mustered up all of his courage to look Viktor straight in the eye. He had to see if Viktor was joking. That’s what this had to be, right? Viktor had seen Yuuri blushing every time Viktor walked in the room, had to have caught him staring at least once or twice. This was obviously some kind of sick, cruel joke this flirtatious, egotistical, womanizer of a man couldn’t help but make at the expense of poor, unattractive Yuuri.

But Yuuri found no trace of cruel intent. He saw only true sincerity, coupled with confident expectation of Yuuri’s answer.

This was everything Yuuri dreamed of since he first saw this man walk through the doorway two weeks ago. Yet, he couldn’t speak the one word his mind so desperately screamed at him-- _yes._

Suddenly, Viktor’s face fell. He took a few steps back, away from Yuuri. “I--um, I’m so sorry, I can tell from your expression that this was a mistake. I appear to have misread the situation. I will, uh, be going then. Don’t worry about making this up to me, it’s no problem at all! Doesn’t hurt in the least,” he spoke slowly, dejected. He slung his bag over his shoulder and sighed before walking quickly out the door.

Yuuri stood in the same spot for what felt like years. He was still trying to process what just happened.

_A mistake?_

While he knew in his brain that all this could have ever been was a mistake, his heart couldn’t help but shatter into a million tiny pieces. He had been _thisclose_ to making his wildest fantasies a reality, and he’d blown it.

No. No no no no no no no. There was no way any of this had happened in the first place. In a few minutes he’d wake up and realize all of this was some kind of twisted dream only his sick mind could come up with which to torture him.

He cracked a small, sadistic smile. If this was a dream, why not have a little fun?

Giggling (manically) to himself, Yuuri walked down the hallway and out of the building, through the courtyard to his next class. All the way, he had his cell phone out and composed a text.

_[sent] Viktor,_

_This is Yuuri, from your math tutorial. I’m sorry for my reaction today, it was very rude of me. I apologize. Both for that, and for hitting your nose. I didn’t respond to your offer because I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I would love nothing more than to go on a date with you. Maybe we’ll even get lucky ;) I’ve thought about your body many nights *eggplant emoji* *water squirting emoji*_

_-Yuuri_

Without so much as a second thought, Yuuri pressed send and smiled triumphantly to himself. Conscious Yuuri would never have so much gall or, honestly, crudeness. But if this was another one of his wild dreams, who cares?

As he sat down in his next classroom, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to see a text from Viktor’s number.

_[received] Where are you right now? -V_

Yuuri responded letting him know he was in class in the English building and that he’d be out in an hour.

* * *

 

_Hm, this is weird. Normally my dreams don’t last this long. Oh well, I’m sure my alarm will go off soon enough._

Class ended, and not soon enough. Yuuri thought his mind could at least think up a more interesting lecture.

As he walked out of the building, someone grabbed him by the arm and yanked him around the corner. He let out a strangled gasp, but was soon quieted by a set of lips settling onto his.

Yuuri’s eyes widened comically and he immediately pushed his attacker away from him. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve as he took in the sight of… _Viktor?_

“Yuuri, I--when I got that text, all I could think was ‘I can’t believe Yuuri feels the same way!’ It’s--Yuuri, I knew you were special when I first saw you--I had to surprise you more than you surprised me!”

Yuuri began to laugh wildly. He clutched at his stomach as he doubled over in laughter. “Out of all my dreams,” he struggled out between fits of laughter, “this has to be the weirdest one.”

Viktor looked hurt. “Dream…? Yuuri, what are you talking about?”

“That’s what this is!” Yuuri waved his hands about, gesturing at nothing and everything. “It’s all a dream, and this time I thought I’d try something different. This is a good one alright.”

Silvery hair slid down Viktor’s face as he looked down at his shoes. “Yuuri… this isn’t a dream. This is real. This is real life.” His head snapped up, a wild look in his eyes. “Is this some kind of sick joke to you?” he raised his voice. “I told you I was sorry for misreading the situation, please don’t make me feel any more foolish than I already do!”

Realization dawned on Yuuri. He slowly raised a hand to his elbow. With a little pinch, Viktor’s words were proven true. This, indeed, was real life. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Viktor, I--”

“It’s fine, Yuuri. I’m sorry, again. I’ll see you in class next week.” Viktor turned away from Yuuri and took two steps.

“Wait!” Yuuri roughly grabbed Viktor’s arm right at the elbow. Viktor stopped in his tracks, but didn’t turn around to face him. “I… I am _so_ sorry. You have to believe me, I never would have said those things if--”

“I know, Yuuri. I know. It’s fine. You didn’t truly mean it.” Yuuri’s grip loosened enough for Viktor to pull his arm from his grasp and begin to walk away once more.

Yuuri stared after him for a few moments, watched him walk away. _Don’t make a fool of yourself, don’t do it!_

“I did mean it!” His voice came out much louder than he intended. “I meant every word of it, Viktor! Please, turn around!”

Viktor stopped in his tracks, causing people around him to almost bump into him and send him nasty glares. Yuuri thought for a moment that he might actually turn around, but still Viktor stood there, his head turned down toward the ground. Time seemed to slow, the random passersby becoming nothing more than blurry streaks of color.

_Please, please, turn around, Viktor…_

His hair still shielded his eyes, so Yuuri could not see any sort of expression on his face, couldn’t look at those beautiful eyes that haunted his dreams. Slowly, seemingly in slow motion, Viktor retraced his steps so that he was once again standing in front of a very flustered Yuuri. He reached out a delicate hand and ever so gently lifted Yuuri’s knuckles to his lips. His breath was warm as it ghosted over Yuuri’s trembling hand. Neither of them spoke; they just stood like that in the small shaded area behind the English building, obscured from the mass’s line of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! ^^ Short chapter but hopefully I will have the rest or at least most of the rest posted tonight or tomorrow! If you enjoyed please leave a kudos and subscribe! :) Thanks, I hope y'all have a great rest of your day~


	4. viktor's brief POV ft revelations

There was nothing outwardly spectacular about Yuuri, with his simple--if not plain--appearance, his soft-spoken demeanor, his obvious lack of self-confidence. And yet, Viktor was drawn to him like a moth to a flame--a creature headed toward total self-destruction, if only to experience a sliver of warmth for a short moment. 

People--family, admirers, strangers lurking on his Instagram page--had always told Viktor he was attractive. Some had gone so far as to say he’s “the perfect man.” His family often pressured him about marriage and children and things of the like--he was 27, those good looks were sure to fade soon. His performance is school was always above average, as were his athletic abilities, as shown by his many medals won in high school leagues. Often times his mother would call him and tell him all about this lovely young lady she saw at a grocery store, or ran into at the library, or spied from across the restaurant. Every time, Victor would chuckle lightly and tell his mother that he hadn’t found the right person yet is all, and his mother always told him to come back to Russia so he can settle down with a nice Russian girl. 

“ _ Mama, I’ll have a better chance at finding someone here, in the states. There are many more people here.” _

He made sure to never use pronouns--his mother would surely have a heart attack if she knew he was gay. He shivered at the thought of what the government in Russia would do to him if he were to return and pronounce his sexuality. But here in the states, it was totally fine--or at least, it wasn’t outright illegal. 

To be quite honest, Viktor had never felt strongly for any person--male or female--in his life. He’d been on many a date--he was a normal 27 year old dude, after all. Everyone he went out with was nice enough, most of them moderately attractive at best. No one had repulsed him, but he never made it past the third date. 

His first third date surely was something else. He had moved to Detroit already and was in his first year at uni. Shy was not in his vocabulary, and girls instantly took a liking to him. One particular girl, a petite blonde thing, asked him out, and from then on they’d exchange texts and calls everyday, hold hands as they walked from class to class. It was all very domestic, and not unhappy. 

On their third official date, his girlfriend suggested they go back to her place--she was an upperclassman, so she had her own apartment a little ways off campus. As soon as they walked in the door, she began to kiss him and touch him all over, desperately clawing at his clothes. Viktor went with it, kissing her back and clawing at her clothes, albeit much less desperately. She guided him to her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind her, and pushed him down on her bed, where she continued her ministrations. By this point, her top had been removed as well as her skirt, revealing her lacy matching set. Viktor’s pants and shirt had been removed, leaving only the thin cotton fabric of his boxers-- _ why did he wear the ones with poodles all over them? _ \--between his crotch and hers. 

She tried everything she could--soft strokes, rough strokes, even her mouth at one point--but Victor couldn’t-- _ oh my god this is horrifying _ \--rise to the occasion. 

He apologized profusely as he gathered his clothes and stumbled to put his shoes back on. She had none of it, crying and screaming at him to leave and never call her again. 

After some quick Google searches and many forum briefings later, Viktor realized he might not be attracted to girls at all! It would account for him having never felt attracted to any girls all through high school, as well as all of those failed attempts at masturbation while watching porn. 

Viktor’s first date with a man went much differently than the first with his ex-girlfriend, though he probably should have expected as much. He couldn’t tell if it was better or worse, honestly. The night ended with a soft, reluctant kiss, just as the first date with his ex. But the conversation topics were much different--less intrusive, less superficial. He got to talk about whatever he wanted to without feeling like he was boring his companion, and his date seemed comfortable and open in response. There was much less texting, calling, and PDA after the date, though, and Viktor took it as his date not enjoying their night out, so he broke it off. 

Following this fail of a first male-male almost-relationship, Viktor was completely lost, confused as to what any of this meant. So, he went on dates with both males and females after that, with little success in either category. 

That is, until his  _ second _ third date. That night, Viktor had  _ no _ troubles in the dick department, and it was amazing. 

His companion felt otherwise, and broke up with Viktor immediately after Viktor’s first (what he thought was successful) sexual encounter. 

To say the least, Viktor realized two things: one, he was definitely very,  _ very _ gay, and two, he obviously lacked  _ experience _ . Yet, the gay local community seemed to be very small, with little variety to offer, and soon Viktor became bored; he decided to no longer pursue any romantic or sexual trysts. 

Until he saw Yuuri sitting at his desk that fateful day in August, bored, mindlessly scrolling through something on his phone with a blank expression on his face. 

His face… something about it set off bells in Viktor’s head. He couldn’t put his finger on it--his eyes were a regular old brown, his hair a regular old black, his skin regular old pale, his body regular old not-fat-but-not-skinny average. Maybe it was something other than his face--his aura, maybe? Viktor wasn’t a firm believer in any of that mumbo-jumbo, but there was  _ something _ about Yuuri that Viktor instantly fell in love with. 

For an entire week, Viktor tried to think of a way to slyly give Yuuri his phone number. He wasn’t planning to be forward when it came to Yuuri; he really didn’t want to mess this up. Viktor knew from experience that outright asking someone their sexual preference was a one-way ticket to Get the Fuck Out of My Face-ville. He wasn’t taking any chances: he wanted Yuuri to be the one to make the first move. If Yuuri’s constant blushing around Viktor was any indication, Viktor had a good idea that Yuuri reciprocated his feelings. 

He was fairly certain TAs weren’t supposed to be involved with their own students, but, honestly, Viktor didn’t care. Yuuri seemed much too special to not even  _ try _ , and for something a stupid as a little rule. 

And then, Viktor got that text from Yuri.  _ Eggplant?! _ It was so incredibly forward, Viktor almost didn’t know what to do with himself. He grinned like an idiot, no doubt, his cheeks and jaw became sore from his elation. As he read and re-read the text, an ever-growing problem arose in his all-too constricting jeans. 

_ Fuck, I’m in the middle of campus. Not now, not now. _

Yuuri told him he was in the English building in class, but would be done at the end of the hour, so Viktor made his way over to the edge of campus. There was a small gazebo around the back side of the building, away from the main pathways of campus. The landscaping in the area wasn’t very well-kept, mostly overgrown weeds and untrimmed bushes. This was Viktor’s favorite place to relax between classes while he was an undergraduate, somewhere he wouldn’t have to deal with other people, could just be alone with his own thoughts. 

He lost count of how many times he re-read that text Yuuri sent. It seemed so… unlike the normally shy, quiet, stuttery brunette. Viktor wasn’t sure what to make of it, honestly. He couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered and stomach flipped every time his eyes scanned across the words “ _ I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you.”  _

_ Could this really be happening? _

* * *

 

After embarrassing himself even further, Yuuri had no clue how he was ever going to come back from this… this  _ hell _ . He kicked himself repeatedly-- _ a dream? Seriously? _ What had he been thinking? Viktor had seemed incredibly angry at first, before Yuuri had a chance to explain himself. All was forgiven with a kiss on his knuckles. With that, the two went to a convenience store on campus to grab some food and sat under the same three under which they shared their first conversation. 

It was about 4 in the afternoon, the sun still shining brightly in the sky. Campus grew a little less busy as people began to head home for the night. Yuuri and Viktor talked on and on about everything and nothing. Yuuri loved the way Viktor’s eyes would glaze over as he talked about math, as if he were looking off into the distance, trying to find the physical incarnation of his passion for it. They laughed and they occasionally bumped knees and brushed hands; Yuuri would blush and Viktor would smile brightly. 

“Yuuri, do you remember when you told me about your inspiration for pursuing a literature degree?” Viktor questioned suddenly, having set his empty food container aside. Yuuri’s face turned a million shades of red as he stared at Viktor. He nodded, but said nothing. “Do you remember that person’s username? I was also on WattPad, following lots of literature users, so maybe I also knew this person’s work.”

Yuuri set aside his own bowl of pasta salad and took a small sip of his soda, struggling to keep his blush to a minimum. He could feel heat slowly travel down his neck. “I, uh, yeah, I remember…” Yuuri chuckled nervously, looking anywhere but at Viktor’s face. Several beats passed, and neither of them said anything, neither of them moved an inch. “Ah, their name was, uh…” Yuuri saw from the corner of his eye Viktor leaning in a bit, straining to hear what Yuuri was whispering under his breath. “Um, VN_IceKing.”

Yuuri already had an inkling of a suspicion that Viktor was indeed the same person, and was expecting a multitude of different responses. Not wanting to face any of them, he slammed his eyes shut and clenched his fists in anticipation. His toes curled in his tennis shoes as a few moments passed with no response. 

Viktor’s eyes widened slightly. The corners of his mouth twitched upward into a tiny smile. His heart felt full. For once in his life, he didn’t have the words to sufficiently express his emotions. Instead, he reached his hand out and rested his thumb and forefinger on Yuuri’s chin, squeezing gently. He raised Yuuri’s head to look him directly in the eye. 

Yuuri’s eyes fluttered open. He was unsure of what Viktor was trying to do. Was he about to say that Yuuri was just some stupid, silly kid, a loser without a life? When his eyes were fully open, all he saw were pools of clear blue, a ring of deep indigo containing the gorgeous waters. Blue, blue, blue. 

Their second kiss was vastly different than the first: the first had been wild, lined with undertones of lust and desperation. This was sweet, slow, sensual. Viktor’s lips were in no hurry as they languidly massaged over Yuuri’s. His hand moved from Yuuri’s chin to just behind his ear, fingers twisting and pulling at a few hairs there. His other hand slid over Yuuri’s knee and rested about halfway up his thigh--just high enough to be intimate, but not so high as to be inappropriate in public. Yuuri’s hands continued to grip the edge of the cement bench they sat on, even as he put his all into responding to Viktor’s kiss. He really hoped Viktor didn’t hear the slight moan that escaped his throat on accident. 

Viktor  _ did _ hear that moan, and it nearly drove him over the edge. He couldn’t help but release an eager moan in response. Before he could do something he’d regret, he broke the kiss, not moving his body but retracting his head a few inches to allow some breathing room. His hand travelled to the back of Yuuri’s neck. He rubbed a small circle with his thumb before pulling away completely. 

Yuuri’s eyes remained closed for a few seconds as he processed what had just happened. “V-Viktor, I…” he trailed off, unable to come up with the words to convey his emotions. 

Viktor smiled softly in return, his eyes never leaving Yuuri’s. “I know, Yuuri.”

The two sat in contented silence, neither wanting to break the peace. Neither of them spoke. After a few minutes, Yuuri not-so-subtly scooter closer to Viktor and rested his head on the blonde’s shoulder. In response, Viktor moved one arm to wrap around Yuuri’s waist and pulled him even closer. Silence blanketed them once more as they looked ahead of them at the slowly setting sun-- _ How long have been been sitting like this, so close? _ \--casting an orange hue on the horizon. 

“I’ve neglected this part of my life for a long time.” Viktor spoke suddenly, causing Yuuri to jump slightly. Viktor rubbed his hand against Yuuri’s side to soothe him. He continued on, voice low, “I’ve never… I haven’t put much effort into personal relationships. My whole adult life has been work, working toward my own career goals. But suddenly, after you came to me, I haven’t been able to focus on my work.”

Yuuri lifted his head from Viktor’s shoulder, still leaning heavily against him. He debated in his head whether he should interject-- _ I don’t want to be a distraction to you! _ \--but decided to let Viktor finish, collect his own thoughts first.

“It’s not that I can’t focus, really. It’s almost… I’ve been waiting for something. I’ve been waiting for you to fully step into my life so I can work toward something, finally. So I can renew my motivation.” Viktor looked down at Yuuri, all playfulness expelled from his expression. “You’re my new inspiration, Yuuri.”

_ You’re my new inspiration, Yuri. _

Yuuri couldn’t believe he was hearing the only person to inspire  _ him _ say those words! His entire decision to study literature came from Viktor many years ago. When he feels down or in outs with the world, he turns to  _ Viktor’s _ writings to renew some sense of will inside himself. There were a million things we wanted to say, a million things he knew he couldn’t bring himself to say aloud. It took everything to gather the courage to speak, but finally, he did. He opened his mouth with a huge breath, his chest rising dramatically. “Will you be my tutor?”

_ Wh-what? That’s not--what? That’s not what I was going to say! _

Viktor’s grip on his waist loosened for a split second and his eyes widened in surprise. His lips once again turned upward into a dazzling smile. “I’d love to!” 

_ Oh my god, why do I keep getting myself into these stupid situations? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, feel free to leave kudos or comments, I always love getting the notifications for them! ^^


	5. yuuri remains insecure

“Yuuri, you’re going to have to tell me your grades eventually.” Viktor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Will you please tell me your GPA so I can figure out how much work we have to do?”

The two were currently sitting at a small cafe just off campus. Even though it was the end of August, the family-owned dive was decorated sparsely with dollar-store Halloween decorations: flimsy plastic ghosts taped to the walls, gaudy orange and black garland draped across every other booth divider, orange and purple streamers shoddily taped to the stained ceiling tiles, cardboard bats hanging with fishing wire off the edges of the tables, a few silky rust-orange leaves scattered about the counters. Yuuri had insisted they sit across from each other at their corner booth, and Viktor reluctantly agreed only to sneak his way next to Yuuri on the vinyl-covered bench a few minutes later. Yuuri’s laptop sat on the table, along with his chicken-scratch notes and handouts from his two creative writing classes from this semester.

Yuuri could feel the heat radiating from Viktor’s thigh that was _so close_ to his, but not close enough. Pink tinged his cheeks as Viktor’s hand rested atop his anxiously bouncing knee, trying to settle the erratic movements.

“I’m not going to laugh at you, there’s no need to be so nervous!” Viktor smiled at Yuuri, trying to calm him down.

Eyes turned away from Viktor, Yuri huffed. “2.7.”

Lighthearted chuckles escaped Viktor’s all-too-kissable lips. He patted Yuuri’s thigh. “What were you so nervous about? That’s above average.”

The previously pink tinge on Yuuri’s cheeks evolved to a full-blown flush, if the heat he felt in his face was anything to go by. He folded over himself, dropping his head to the table. “All my friends graduated with at least a 3.0 last year. Two had perfect 4.0 GPAs,” he grumbled. A heavy hand lay on his back, rubbing slow circles.

“You shouldn’t worry so much about what the people around you are doing.” Viktor leaned close to Yuuri’s face, so close Yuuri could feel his cool breath puff against his neck. “As long as you do _your_ best, it shouldn’t matter.”

Yuuri sighed and leaned back, causing Viktor to back up as well. “That’s a lot easier said than done. When I first came to uni, I told myself I wouldn’t compare myself to anyone else, but then I just wanted to be the best and get as many cords as I could. And I did really well at first. I got a lot of praise. But… Once I started getting bad critiques from my professors… I fell into a downward spiral.”

“What kind of criticism do you normally get from your professors?” Viktor inquired politely.

Yuuri raised an outstretched finger to his chin and absent-mindedly scratched. “For my creative writing, they say my plot and characters are great, but that my execution is almost always flawed. It’s always the technical parts that get me. For essays, it’s about the same; my logic is fine but the construction is lacking.” He sighed again, sliding down in his seat, defeated.

“Hm,” Viktor hummed in contemplation. “Then it seems you have the important part down. You can practice technical skills and learn techniques, but you can’t read a manual on creativity.” As he lifted his half-empty coffee mug to his mouth and gulped down some of the warm liquid, Yuuri couldn’t help but stare at him. Viktor took notice of his intense gaze and beamed down at him. “Let me see some of your previous essays.”

Sighing in defeat, Yuuri pulled up his Google Drive folder of all of his school assignments and slid his laptop to Viktor. While his “tutor” read over a few files, Yuuri pulled out his math textbook and began working on his homework assignment.

The two went on like that for sometime, Viktor reading over Yuuri’s previous works, Yuuri solving absurd math problems. Yuuri was surprised to see Viktor was actually taking notes every once in a while, jotting small clips and phrases on a scrap piece of paper Yuuri had given him.

_He’s really taking this whole tutor thing pretty seriously, isn’t he?_

“I take everything I do seriously,” Viktor spoke solemnly beside him, staring at him with slightly widened eyes.

Yuuri flushed brightly. _Did I say that out loud?_ “I--”

Before he could explain himself, Viktor leaned over and kissed him gently. His lips were warm against Yuuri’s, and tasted slightly bitter from the coffee he’d been sipping.

Yuuri couldn’t get enough.

* * *

 

 _[received] “What are you doing Saturday evening?_ ”

Yuuri had yet to respond to Viktor’s text. It had been four hours. What was his excuse going to be? He was taking a nap? He received it only a few minutes before he sent it? His dog ate his homework?

He was sure this was Viktor asking him on an official _date_ , but he couldn’t be sure. His own insecurities pelted him every time he reread the text.

_It’s probably just a booty call._

_He’s asking you out at night because he doesn’t want to be seen with you during daylight._

_If you go out with him, it’s only a matter of time before he realizes who you really are and leaves you. They always do._

They hadn’t talked about what the nature of their relationship was, so naturally Yuuri had to worry about it every second of everyday. _Was_ Viktor messing with him for fun?  
Yuuri thought back to a few days ago, when they’d met up at a cafe near campus. Viktor had said “ _I take everything I do seriously,”_ and then kissed him so… so… lovingly. So carefully. There was no roughness, no desperation. Absolutely no hint at anything sexual, no true physical intimacy. Yuuri could practically feel Viktor’s emotions for him when he’d kissed the brunette that afternoon. He wanted more.

Of course he was thrilled Viktor actually wanted to spend time with him outside of tutoring him! He’d been dreaming up ridiculous, over-the-top scenarios for weeks. Why couldn’t he just say yes?

Yuuri sighed and set his phone onto his nightstand, leaving the screen unlocked on accident. Viktor’s one-line question taunted him in the darkness of his room as he laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He could see the bright blue light shining from the corner of his eye, but continued to ignore it. When he closed his eyes, he could see it--he could hear it, he could _feel_ it; it was as if he and Viktor were on their date, enjoying themselves and having a merry time. His heartbeat accelerated, his blood rushing swiftly through his veins. His whole body was tingly. It was so close--and yet when Yuri opened his eyes to reveal a whole lot of nothing, save for the occasional movie poster on his walls, it was still so far.

Yuuri thought about Viktor, but not in the usual way--there was no nakedness, there wasn’t even handholding--there was only he and Viktor, alone in a white room inside his mind. What did Yuuri truly know about Viktor? Yuuri liked to think he _knew_ Viktor, understood him on some spiritual level that one can only gain access to by reading someone’s thoughts, and for years Yuuri had read every word Viktor dared to think and then put into writing. But the more he thought about it, he didn’t know anything about Viktor. They had a nice conversation shortly after his shit-storm of a text message, but it wasn’t heartfelt or deep by any means. They talked about their day, a little about their families and their homelands. Yuuri wanted to know more--he had to, he just had to get to know Viktor. He wanted to get inside his mind.

Struck by a wave of sheer determination, Yuuri grabbed his phone and began typing up a response.

“ _I have to open the restaurant on Saturday, but I’m free--”_

Suddenly his phone started vibrating wildly, the whole screen going blank for a split second before popping up with a contact screen. It was good-ol’ anonymous contact picture with the word _Viktor_ spelled out below. Yuuri’s heart started beating even faster, if that was even possible, and he nearly dropped his phone in surprise before collecting his wits again when he realized it was only an incoming call.

_Wait, Viktor is calling? What do I do? Oh god oh god!_

A great idea came to him, like a lightbulb illuminating his brain cavity.

_I’ll pretend I just woke up!_

Putting on his best sleepy voice and fake yawning, Yuuri swiped left on his phone screen. “Hullo?” he inserted another fake yawn for good measure.

“Yuuri? Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry!” Viktor responded quickly, his voice thick with worry. “I texted you a while ago and never got a response, so I thought you maybe didn't get my message.”

Yuuri hummed in response and felt grateful he'd turned off his read receipts ages ago. “Y-yeah, I've been asleep for awhile now. Sorry...”

He could hear the smile in Viktor's voice as he said, “It's no problem at all! I was hoping you'd be free Saturday.”

“I, uh, I have to open the restaurant on Saturday, but I will be available after noon.” He gulped thickly. _Viktor is actually asking me out! This is insane!_

“Great! I can pick you up around 5 if that's okay with you? We can have an early dinner, and then have some fun!” Unbeknownst to Yuuri, at that moment Victor was practically bouncing in excitement in the middle of his apartment. “Text me your address, okay? I'll see you later! Bye!”

_Am I really going on a date with VN_IceKing?!_

* * *

 All morning, Yuuri felt distracted. He kept thinking back to his many fantasies of how the evening would go--how their first _date_ would go. Every time he thought of the fact that they were indeed going on a real date, his heart fluttered and butterflies threatened to fly out of his stomach. His mother seemed a little worried about him as he kept tripping over the flat surface of the ground and knocking over cups.

“Are you alright, Yuuri? You seem awfully clumsy today,” his mother asked him quietly as he dumped a dust pan into the trash.

“Y-yeah, I’m okay.” Yuuri smiled, feeling guilty for making his mom fuss over him.

His mother set down the soapy plate from her hand into the sink and “hmm”ed thoughtfully. “What is bothering you? Could it be you’re seeing a _friend_ tonight? Perhaps a _lady friend_?”

Yuuri squawked and accidently dropped the empty dustpan into the trashcan. He muttered under his breath as he fished it out, being as careful as he could to not touch any rubbish. “Um, I am going to be out with a friend today,” he started slowly, not making eye contact, “b-but it’s not a lady friend!”

Something like the dawning of realization struck Hiroko. Suddenly, it made sense why Yuri never had a girlfriend through high school and college. She and her husband had speculated briefly after Yuri was in college for a whole year without so much as a single date with a woman, but Toshiya brought up that Yuuri never had a _boyfriend_ either. The two decided maybe Yuuri hadn’t found the right person, or wasn’t in a place to come out to them. Either way, they agreed, they’d love and support Yuuri no matter who he loved. Hiroko smiled broadly, her sincere happiness reaching as far as her eyes. “Alright, Yuuri dear, please be careful. Go ahead and get ready, you’re making too much of a mess here anyway!” She laughed lightly.

“I-it’s only 10 AM, and I won’t be leaving until 5! You have no one else here to help you yet, mom,” Yuuri defended quickly. He grabbed the mop from the supply closet and began filling a bucket with water and soap.

His mother returned to scrubbing dishes and sighed. “Well, alright. Just watch what you’re doing!”

* * *

Yuuri didn’t know what to do with himself for five hours. When his mother released him at noon, he immediately went to the onsen and had a long bath until his fingers turned pruney. He brushed his teeth and fussed with his hair for what seemed like two hours, but turned out to only be ten minutes. Growling in frustration, he decided to leave his hair alone and instead worry about his outfit.

_Oh god, where are we going? Viktor didn’t tell me where we were going!_

He’d even asked Victor when he sent the man his address, but all he got in response was a cheeky “ _It’s a surprise, of course!”_ How was Yuuri supposed to dress for a “surprise?”

_What if he takes me to a fancy restaurant and I’m wearing jeans? What if he takes me to a fast food place and I’m wearing dress shoes? Why, Viktor?!_

Nothing in his wardrobe seemed to make sense to him at the moment. He mindlessly pushed aside shirt after shirt, the hangers making a soft scraping noise against the metal of the pole suspended in his closet. After much consideration, he pulled out a plain black button up, a pair of dark jeans, a light tan jacket, and a teal blue scarf.

_Dark jeans are kind of fancy, right? But not too fancy?_

Yuuri glanced at his bedside clock.

_Ugh, how can it only be 3:00?_

He laid the outfit out on his bed, sighed, and booted up his laptop as he sat at his desk. Without meaning to, he typed in the URL for WattPad, and before long he was on Viktor’s profile.

_Oh… What’s this?_

Viktor posted a new story! It was titled, “ _The Sexy Katsudon.”_

“EH? Katsudon? H-How does he know what that is?!” Yuuri exclaimed aloud. He thought back to their first conversation under the big maple tree on campus. “Oh.. I guess I did tell him my favorite food…” A wave of heat passed over his whole body, his toes tingling. Nervously, he scrolled his finger over the trackpad and hesitantly clicked on the link.

The writing style of the story was completely different than anything he’d ever written--or at least, posted--before, and Yuuri was intrigued. It had been over three years since VN_IceKing’s profile had been updated. The avatar had changed from a pair of ice skates to a picture of a chocolate brown poodle, and the writer biography was completely blank.

_Why now?_

As ridiculous as Yuuri knew it was, he hoped this story was about him--it’s no coincidence that the title contained his favorite food, right? But only three sentences into the story and it was obvious that this story was _not_ about him, not at all.

It was about a young Russian boy ( _Viktor?)_ who had a temper the size of Mt. Everest. He travelled to Japan for an ice skating competition and ended up staying at a hotel next to a bath house and restaurant, whose speciality was katsudon. The boy fell in love with the dish and couldn’t stop eating it, even though he knew it affected his performance in competition; he ended up quitting ice skating altogether, but stayed in Japan so he could get more of this katsudon whenever he wanted.

While the plot was strange and extremely juvenile-- _Who quits their medal-winning career for a food dish?--_ it was written beautifully. The way Viktor described the katsudon… it _felt_ awfully sexual, which made Yuuri feel weird. There was no author’s note at the end or beginning of the short story, which made Yuuri a little disappointed--one of the best things about reading VN_IceKing’s stories were the cleverly worded blurbs which gave Yuuri the slightest insight into the author’s world. Regardless of the weirdness of it all, Yuuri clicked on the button to leave a review, and left a gushing, heart-felt paragraph about missing his writing, how much his writing style had changed.

He smiled to himself and looked at the clock in the corner of his laptop screen.

_4:50! About time!_

Yuuri shut his laptop and stretched his arms above his head. He slipped into his date-night outfit, grinning like an idiot the whole time. He couldn’t help himself--he was going on a date with _Viktor_ , undoubtedly the hottest guy to have ever spared Yuuri a second glance. Not only was he incredibly hot, Viktor was the guy Yuuri’d had an internet crush on for _years_. As he began buttoning up his shirt, Yuuri realized that Viktor never actually said it was a date.

_But… it has to be, right? Viktor said all of those things to me about “neglecting” his love life… And he kissed me! Multiple times!_

_But… he asked to hang out, not go on a date…_

Yuuri’s heart sank. Here he was, all happy go-lucky about a date that might not actually be a date.

_Typical Yuuri Katsuki… Stupid Yuuri Katsuki…_

Before he could continue to analyze whether or not this was in fact a date, his phone started vibrating wildly. Viktor was calling.

Yuuri’s heart started beating a million miles an hour.

_Now I feel like such an idiot… How can I face him?_

He swiped left on his phone and cleared his throat. “Hello?” he spoke softly into the receiver.

“Yuuri, are you alright? You sound upset.” Yuuri could hear the smile fade from Viktor’s voice.

Putting on his best fake smile, Yuuri replied, “Oh, uh, no, I’m just fine! Are you here?”

“Yes, I’m right out front.” The smile was back, and Yuuri felt his lips turn upward.

Yuuri grabbed his jacket and scarf, resting his phone between his shoulder and his ear. “Okay, I’ll be out in just a second,” he said, then hung up.

_Here we go, Katsuki. Relax._

Disregarding his inner dialogue, Yuuri’s heart began racing even faster than it had been; he could feel his pulse all the way down to his toes.

He walked down the main hallway of his house, securing his scarf, and opened the front door. He was surprised to see Viktor leaning against his modest car, his ankles crossed and--

_Oh my god are those really flowers?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm keeping the rating as it is for now, though it might be going up in a few chapters! ^^


	6. yuuri the virgin

Indeed, Viktor held in one of his hands a bouquet of red roses, a few stems of baby’s breath peeking through the wine colored petals. Yuuri could feel intense heat spread across his cheeks.  _ He got me… roses? This has to be a date! _ Relieved, Yuuri grinned his stupid idiot grin as he padded across his front yard over to Viktor. 

Once Viktor saw him, he stood up straight and held out the flowers in his hand. His smile reached his eyes as he gazed at Yuuri’s figure from across the lawn. “Yuuri, you look fantastic.” A few stray strands of silvery hair fell into his eyes as he continued to stare at Yuuri unabashedly. “These are for you.”

Yuuri blushed one thousand shades of red as he reached out and gently grabbed the stems of the bouquet. “Th-thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri was relieved as he looked over Viktor’s form; his date for the night was wearing dark gray jeans and a button up shirt, though he had a tie hanging loosely from his neck. “Um, where are we going?”

Viktor walked around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door, gesturing to Yuuri to sit down. “One of my favorite restaurants in town. Although it is a little bit of a drive. I hope you don’t mind,” he explained confidently. 

Yuuri nodded and situated himself in the car. He didn’t know what to do with the roses, so he set them across his lap. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Viktor bought him flowers-- _ roses _ at that. And Viktor even opened the door for him!

_ Could he be anymore perfect? _

The car ride to the mystery restaurant was surprisingly quiet. Viktor asked Yuuri about his day; Yuuri politely inquired about his day as well. They made small talk like that for about 15 minutes, when Viktor pulled into a parking lot in front of a relatively small restaurant in the middle of a shopping center. 

“It’s not fancy at first glance, but the food is delicious!” Viktor patted Yuuri’s knee twice before shutting off the car and opening his door. Yuuri unbuckled and reached for the door handle, but before he could pull, Viktor was on the other side and beat him to opening the passenger side door. 

Blushing brightly, Yuuri stepped out of the car. As he pushed his body weight forward to propel himself out of the seat, his foot caught on something and he fell forward, straight into Viktor’s chest. Viktor’s arms wrapped around Yuuri’s waist in an attempt to steady him. The blonde looked down at him, surprise slapped across his face. Viktor chuckled and squeezed him even tighter. “I’ll pretend that was an accident,” he joked. He winked at Yuuri when the brunette pulled away from him quickly. 

“I-I’m so sorry! I’ve been clumsy all day, I’m not sure why!” Yuuri turned his head down in shame. 

Viktor laughed lightly and laced his fingers through Yuuri’s, pulling him toward the restaurant. “It’s alright, it’s quite cute actually.” 

The restaurant wasn’t anything spectacular, and Yuuri was glad he dressed fairly casually. There were maybe fifteen tables in the whole place, a few booths, a few with chairs. Small centerpieces of a few flowers were placed on each table. Deep green fabric napkins were folded neatly at each side of the tables. On a few of the tables, there was a tea-light candle, flame flickering. The lighting was dim, adding to the “date night” vibe the whole place gave off. A waiter came to the pair and led them to a table, two menus in hand. 

They were sat at a corner booth with a candle. The waiter set the menus on opposite sides of the table, much to Viktor’s disappointment. Regardless, the blonde sat across from Yuuri. He smiled at his companion.

Yuuri said a small “thank you,” to the waiter as he placed two glasses of water on cardboard coasters in front of them. He looked at the menu for a long while, not sure what he should get. It wasn’t often he ate at restaurants, besides the one his family owned. 

“The shrimp scampi linguine is my favorite dish here.”

Viktor’s voice surprised Yuuri.  _ Why am I so jumpy today? _ “O-Oh, thanks. I think I’ll get that, then.” He closed his menu and folded his hands in his lap, looking anywhere but at Viktor’s face. 

After a few minutes, the waiter came back and took their order. And then, it was just the two of them in their own little corner, hidden away from the other patrons of the restaurant. 

“I would have liked to bring you to a Russian restaurant, but I haven’t found a decent one in the city. This was the closest thing; I used to eat a lot of seafood while I lived in St. Petersburg.” Viktor moved his foot forward, his shoe just barely brushing against Yuuri’s ankle. “But that’s okay, I could always make something for you from my homeland.” He lifted an arm to his face, chin resting in the palm of his hand as he gazed at Yuuri, beaming. “Better yet, someday we can visit Russia together.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened. _I-is he suggesting we’ll be together for that long?_ _W-we’re not even officially together right now!_ He had no idea how to respond to such a brazen statement, so he nodded and began to fiddle with the utensils secured inside his napkin. 

Viktor reached his hands across the table and rested one on top of Yuuri’s in an attempt to settle their nervous movements. “There’s no need to be so nervous, Yuuri. It’s just me.” 

Yuuri sighed. “Y-you’re right. I’m sorry. It’s, uh--” he wasn’t sure how to say what was on his mind; he wasn’t sure there were enough words in the English language to describe how  _ elated _ he was to be here with Viktor. “I’m, uh, I’m happy to be here with you, it’s just--um--” He felt Viktor’s fingers twitch and saw his eyes widen slightly in fear. God, how much more terrible could he feel? “I-I haven’t been on… a date... in a long time,” he finally managed, whispering the word ‘date’--he didn’t want to be wrong about Viktor’s intentions, even if he was pretty sure that’s what this was. 

His grip on Yuuri’s hands tightened reassuringly as he said, “Truthfully, neither have I, Yuuri.” Viktor sighed and sat back in his seat. “To be completely honest… I haven’t even been in a serious relationship.”

Yuuri swallowed dryly, retracting his hands from the table and back into his lap. 

“Yuuri,” Viktor spoke sternly, “I think you’re sp--”

The waiter came with their food, setting down two plates piled high with seafood and pasta. “Does everything look okay to you gentlemen?” he asked politely as he refilled Yuuri’s glass with water. Yuuri nodded and Viktor confirmed with a soft, “yes, thank you.” Satisfied, the waiter walked away. 

Viktor didn’t reach for his fork, but instead for Yuuri’s hand. Their fingers touched and Yuuri could have sworn he felt an electric shock. “Yuuri, please look at me.” Reluctantly, Yuuri raised his eyes and gasped at what he saw. Viktor held his gaze steadily, a determined look apparent in his face. “Yuuri, I find you absolutely fascinating.” Yuuri flushed. “You’re very special. As I said, I’ve never… been in a true relationship, but if you’ll have me, I’d very much like to be your boyfriend.” He tilted his head to the side slightly, smiling sincerely.

_ B-boyfriend? _

Yuuri couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Somewhere in his subconscious he must have thought of this possibility, but probably more of a dream than an actual prediction. “Viktor--”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to answer right now. Just keep it in mind, okay?” Viktor’s hand pulled away and dismissed Yuuri in a waving motion. “Let’s eat!”

Between bites, Viktor would tell a charming story or a cute joke, occasionally asking Yuuri questions about his life. “What’s your favorite color? What do you do in your free time? What’s your favorite novel? Have you ever been in love?”

“E-eh, what?” The last question caught Yuuri off-guard. “N-no, I haven’t… been in love.”

By this time, the two had finished eating and were waiting patiently for their plates to be cleared and their check to be delivered. Viktor leaned his head in his hand again as he said, “That’s a shame. It’s an amazing feeling.” He raised his foot slightly to rub against Yuuri’s ankle and reached across the table to grasp Yuri’s shaking hand. “I hope one day you can experience it, too.” 

The waiter came up to their table and dropped a black book onto the flat surface. “Here’s the check; feel free to take your time. I hope you enjoyed the meal!” he said and turned away once again.

_ Love… So Viktor has been in love in the past… _ Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as he thought about the person who was lucky enough to have Viktor fall in love with them. 

He watched as Viktor reached for the check. “O-oh, you don’t have to pay, Viktor.”

Viktor waved him off. “Don’t be silly, I was the one who asked you on a date, so I will pay. Consider it a thank you for coming out with me tonight.” 

Yuuri still thought they should at least split the bill, but nodded and looked anywhere but Viktor’s face until they left the restaurant. When they were both settled in the car, Yuuri turned to Viktor. “Thank you for tonight, Viktor.”

Viktor chuckled in response and briefly looked in Yuuri’s direction. “The night is still young. We have one more stop, if you’re up for it.” He beamed at his companion. 

“Sure!” Yuuri was willing to be around Viktor as long as possible--he  _ wanted _ to be near Viktor for as much time as he could. During the drive, all he could think about was what Viktor proposed earlier, in the middle of their meal.  _ Does he… does he really want to be my boyfriend? _

It wasn’t that Yuuri didn’t want to be Viktor’s boyfriend--he thought the term was too juvenile, honestly. It seemed immature, not serious enough. 

_ Ah, nothing is serious yet… Maybe boyfriend is the best label. _

“What are you thinking about, Yuuri?” Viktor dragged out the ‘u’ in his name. “It seems you’re in your own world over there.”

Yuuri clenched his fists in his lap.  _ It’s now or never. _ He tentatively rested a hand on Viktor’s thigh, just above his knee. Viktor jumped a bit in surprise, momentarily looking down at him in shock. “I-I want to be your boyfriend, Viktor!”

The car stopped, and Yuuri wondered for a moment if he cause some sort of bad reaction.  _ Maybe I should have waited until we got to our next stop… No, I would have lost my nerve by then! Please say something, Viktor… _

Without taking his eyes off the road, Viktor removed one hand from the wheel and squeezed Yuuri’s hand that was on his leg; he said nothing, but quickly stepped out of the car. Yuuri was surprised, but managed to exit the vehicle before Viktor could open his door as well. When he lifted himself from the seat, Viktor hugged him, holding him closely. His hands rubbed circles on Yuuri’s back soothingly. “I’m so happy,” he whispered into Yuuri’s ear. 

Yuuri felt the softest brush of lips against the shell of his ear and shivered in response. He lifted his arms to wrap around the blonde’s neck to hold him closer.  _ Closer, closer. _ “I-I’m happy, too, Viktor,” he whispered into Viktor’s shoulder. He pulled away slightly, still keeping his arms loosely around Viktor’s neck, and noticed where they were. 

The sun had set while they were at the restaurant, so all of the buildings and streets around were alight with warmth from yellow-toned light bulbs.  Reflections of the lights  danced and glittered across the lake’s choppy waters, a gentle breeze blowing over the navy waves. Off to the left was a simple wooden gazebo with bench seating, surrounded by well-kept flowerbeds overflowing with hues of pink, orange, red. Branches of some sort of ivy wove through the side panels of the gazebo, dotted with occasional patches of white petals. There weren’t many trees around, only a few large maple trees similar to the one on campus that Yuuri loved so much. 

“This is my favorite place to go if I need to be alone,” Viktor spoke quietly, reluctantly releasing Yuuri’s hips from his grasp. “My thoughts have been gathered here for years. I want to share this place with you.” He grabbed Yuuri’s hand and led them to the gazebo. 

Yuuri’s face was incredibly hot--he couldn’t believe Viktor wanted to share such a personal space with him. He sat next to Viktor, still holding his hand, but left several inches of space between them. Viktor chuckled under his breath and scooted closer, effectively closing the space between their thighs. Yuuri could feel the heat from Viktor’s body seeping into his clothes, warming him in a way he’d never before felt. They sat in silence for a few moments, content to just  _ be _ together. 

It was Viktor who broke the silence. “Were you the one who left all of those comments on my stories?” 

“Um…” Yuuri paused. “...yes.”  _ God, how embarrassing! _

Viktor smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I was always so happy to see your comments on everything I posted. When I published a piece, I’d wait around for hours, refreshing the page, waiting for your feedback. It became a source of motivation for me.” He turned to face Yuuri, their knees bumping into each other. “You’ve always helped me along, Yuuri.”

Yuuri raised his free hand to the back of his neck in nervousness. “I’m sure there were many others who did the same. You are a great writer.” He laughed anxiously.

Viktor shook his head. “You were the only one.” He leaned in, his eyes flicking between Yuuri’s lips and his eyes. Even in the dim light from far away street lamps, Viktor could see the pink that tinged Yuuri’s slightly chubby cheeks, and for a second he thought he spied a few freckles. He wished he could hold onto this moment forever, the two of them sitting so close their breaths mingled, no one else around, neither of them speaking. He could feel Yuuri’s pulse beating rapidly in his fingers-- _ or is that my heartbeat?-- _ and he dreamed of feeling Yuri’s pulse against his lips instead. Viktor was content to stay like that forever, but nevertheless felt relieved when Yuuri closed the gap between them. 

Their lips melded together in the best way possible, their heads turned slightly so that their noses were barely brushing. Viktor moved his mouth languidly over Yuuri’s. In response, the brunette slid his tongue across Viktor’s lips coyly, pleading for entrance. Viktor couldn’t help the moan that escaped his throat in response, but soon regained composure as he took control of the kiss, grabbing Yuuri’s waist and pulling his chest flush against his own. Yuuri threaded his fingers through Viktor’s silvery locks, twisting and tweaking. His body seemed to move of its own accord, as he soon found himself sitting in Viktor’s lap, straddling his thighs. After the initial shock Viotor took the hint and grasped Yuuri’s narrow hips, grinding his groin against Yuuri’s. 

The friction drove Yuuri wild--he’d never experienced anything like this before. His heart was threatening to beat out of his chest, his stomach ready to release a swarm of a million butterflies. He curled his toes in pleasure as Viktor gave an especially hard thrust of his hips and moaned softly into Viktor’s neck. 

“Yuuri,” Viktor groaned with abandon and sucked roughly on Yuuri’s exposed neck. 

Yuuri let out something halfway between a moan and a gasp. “V-Viktor...”

“What do you want, Yuuri?” Viktor licked the shell of Yuuri’s ear and blew lightly, causing Yuuri to shiver. “Should we take this elsewhere?”

Yuuri froze, his whole body tensing. He pulled away from Viktor, eyes downturned, arms dropping to his side. “Um, I’ve… I’ve never…”

Viktor’s eyes widened and he immediately let go of Yuuri’s hips, shifting so that Yuuri was sitting on his thighs instead of his growing problem. “I am  _ so _ sorry, I had no right, I’m  _ so sorry _ , Yuuri. I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, I’m so  _ sorry _ !” He raised the back of his hand to his forehead in frustration and tipped his head back. “I’m such a  _ jerk _ , I’m  _ so sorry. _ ”

Instead of speaking, Yuuri softly stroked Viktor’s cheek and pulled the blonde’s hand away from his face, causing Viktor to look at him again. “It’s--you didn’t do  _ anything _ wrong. I should have told you before we… um…” Yuuri realized he was still sitting in Viktor’s lap and scrambled off, taking a seat next to his companion, their hands still linked. “A-anyway, I… I wouldn’t mind trying… with you, I mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, I'm pretty excited for them to get more serious~ Thanks again for reading!


	7. yuuri finds his eros!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't noticed, any time there are texts I try to make it as clear as possible who is saying what. so I have added [sent] if yuuri says it, and [received] if victor says it! I'm hoping to keep it as clear as possible! :)

_ Viktor ended the night by snapping a selfie of the two of them standing in front of the gazebo, the blonde holding up a peace sign and sticking his tongue out while Yuuri simply smiled. The two had calmed down after their (hot) makeout session and ended up talking and laughing together for nearly two hours before Viktor decided to take Yuuri home.  _

_ “What’s your instagram username?” Viktor asked Yuuri while handing the brunette his phone. _

_ Yuuri grabbed the device and typed in his handle into the search bar. He tapped on his profile and gave back Viktor the phone. He saw Viktor tap the “follow” icon, his phone buzzing in his pocket with a new notification.  _

As soon as Yuuri stepped into his home at the end of the night, he pulled out his cell and immediately followed Viktor back on Instagram--a decision he would soon regret. It only took about ten minutes of mindless scrolling and having to constantly remind himself to  _ not _ double-tap these month-old photos for him to stumble across the last thing his fragile self-esteem needed to see: Viktor, kissing some man on the cheek, fireworks blooming in the background. 

His heart skipped a beat as he looked at the picture. Viktor looked so happy, and so did this other guy--he was a tall, tan, extraordinarily handsome man with the strongest jawline Yuuri had ever seen. His eyes jumped to the caption, hoping that this was just some sort of childhood-friend reunion kind of thing, only to find that Viktor had tagged some guy with the handle @christophe-gc and typed out “Best Fourth of July thanks to this hunk! *kiss emoji* *heart emoji*.” This Christophe person commented “I had a great time too babe~ especially after this pic *winky face emoji*.” Yuuri blanched. Four pictures along the same lines followed, spanning the course of a week’s time. Viktor called him things like “bae,” “babe,” and “loml” (which Yuuri had to look up, only to feel nauseous once he found out what it stood for). These pictures were only from three months ago. And Viktor had told Yuuri that he’d never been in a real relationship--if that was true, he had no reason to be posting all of these things on his  _ public _ Instagram.

When Yuuri thought about it, he realized that it made sense--Viktor was  _ extremely _ attractive, surely he had to have attracted a lot of attention in the past. But that doesn’t mean Yuuri had the right to be--to be--

_ What is this feeling? _

It was as if there was a million-pound rock sitting at the bottom of his stomach. His chest hurt--every few seconds, his heart would stutter. 

_ Am I… jealous? _

Yuuri shook his head--he had absolutely no right to be jealous. He and Viktor hadn’t even spoken three months ago; it was ridiculous for Yuuri to get so upset about something that Viktor did  _ before they’d even met _ . And they’d just established the whole boyfriend thing earlier that night, it was way too early to be feeling this insecure. 

_ But I certainly can’t compare to… that. _ He stared at the tall, dark, and handsome blonde with his arm around Viktor’s waist. 

“Katsuki, grow up. Be an adult. Viktor has been with others before. He’s an adult. So are you,” Yuuri sternly told himself as he paced his room, his phone clutched tightly in his hand. He still had his jacket and scarf on because he had been so eager to view Viktor’s Instagram profile. “Don’t do this to him, he doesn’t deserve this,” Yuuri reminded himself. 

With a loaded sigh, Yuuri sat on his bed, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck and shrugging off his jacket. He looked to his dresser, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. His hair was ruffled, his face still flushed from  _ earlier engagements _ , his mouth downturned in a deep frown. 

And to think, by the end of their date, Yuuri had gotten so comfortable with Viktor that he stopped stuttering. 

_Why does he want to be with you, anyway, Katsuki?_  

* * *

 

The grandfather clock down the hall rang three times. Yuuri groaned and dropped his head onto his desk, currently covered in papers and his god forsaken math textbook. Not only was this homework assignment ridiculously difficult to begin with (Yuuri had never been particularly good at math), but Yuuri felt distracted all day; he kept opening his phone and spying on Viktor’s Instagram page. Much to his chagrin/excitement, Viktor had posted the selfie he took of the two of them the night previous, tagging Yuuri in it with a simple heart-eyes emoji as the caption. On the fiftieth (or so, he wasn’t keeping count) check-in, Yuuri noticed someone had commented; better (worse) yet, @christophe-gc commented with a smiling devil emoji. 

_ What does this mean? _

Obviously Viktor had some kind of past with this person, and from the looks of it, some sort of romance was involved. 

_ God, get over it, Katsuki! Viktor is a nice guy. More than just a nice guy. _

Yuuri still couldn’t get over the fact that Viktor had asked him out--had asked him to be his  _ boyfriend _ . All he could think was  _ Why? _

It didn’t make sense. Yuuri wasn’t spectacular looking, barely average. He wasn’t especially smart, wasn’t funny, wasn’t engaging in conversation. And Viktor can’t just be after sex--he’d apologized profusely last night and had been the one to ultimately turn Yuuri away when things got too heated. 

_ D-does he not think I’m attractive? _

Yuuri had thought about it a lot--that had to be the only explanation. It was the only thing that made sense in his mind. He  _ wasn’t _ attractive. But…

Yuuri shook his head and looked down at his opened textbook. He really didn’t understand anything that had been going on in class, and now that he actually had to apply what they were supposed to be learning, he was at a dead-end. 

“Oh! I know, I’ll just ask Viktor!” Yuuri exclaimed and picked up his phone once more, this time opening up his messaging app. He began typing a message to Viktor, pleading for his help, when he thought back to those daunting Instagram photos. 

_ Stop it, Katsuki! Just get over it! You have to! _

He struggled with his inner dialogue for a few moments. His insecurities enveloped him, seemed to strangle him like a noose made of steel threads. But somewhere deep in his conscience, his logic tried to untie the knot of his anxiety, told him that Viktor had ultimately chosen Yuuri out of all of the possibilities he’d no doubt had at his disposal. Viktor  _ wanted to be with him _ . Yuuri couldn’t mess this up. 

Yuuri took in a shuddery breath, his hands trembling as he finished his text to Viktor:

_ [sent] “Viktor, I don’t understand this math hw. Can you please help me? We can meet at that cafe on campus if that’s ok.” _

Within a minute, Viktor had responded:  _ [received]  _ “ _ You should ask in class tmrw, others probably have questions about it too.” _

_ He obviously doesn’t want to see you,  _ his heart instantly said. 

_ [sent]  _ “ _ I can’t do that, it’s so embarrassing, please help me now?” _ He sent back, ignoring all of the alarm bells going off in his head. 

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed.  _ [received]  _ “ _ I’m starting to think you just want an excuse to see me *winky face emoji*” _

Yuuri blushed. He began typing a response when another message popped up.

_ [received] “That’s awfully coincidental, I was just thinking about you.” _

His heart stopped beating for what must have been two minutes. When he regained conscious thoughts beyond  _ oh my god Viktor was thinking about me oh my god _ , he typed up something in reply, completely ignoring the last text, instead asking for Viktor’s help--begging for it. 

_ [received]  _ “ _ Since you asked so nicely, I’ll help you. But I let a friend borrow my car. Is there any way you can come to my place?” _

* * *

 

The whole drive over, Yuuri couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was going to  _ Viktor's apartment. _ Yuuri knew nothing about it--Viktor had never mentioned a roommate or a pet or anything--and that made it that much more exciting. 

More importantly, Yuuri couldn't stop thinking about what he was going to do to Viktor. True, he really did need help with his math homework, but he also needed to prove to Viktor that he was worth the time and effort of a relationship. 

Yuuri Katsuki was on his way to seduce Viktor Nikiforov. 

Insecurities be damned, he was going to show Viktor that he could be  _ sexy.  _ He remembered reading a short essay or article or something about a phenomenon named  _ Eros,  _ sexual romance, and how it’s equally important as innocent, unconditional love. He had to embrace his own  _ Eros _ if he was going to show Viktor what he was capable of. 

His heart hammered in his chest as he pulled into a visitor parking spot and walked to Viktor's apartment. He stopped in front of the door, the numbers 176 staring back at him, and he took a deep breath. Yuuri raised his fist and knocked three times, his breaths staggered. 

The door opened and revealed the most gorgeous site Yuuri could imagine--no, he couldn't have ever imagined it. Viktor was so… beautiful. His silvery locks layered perfectly on his head, a few strands slipping in front of his left eye. His eyes--they were bright and blue as ever, cerulean and turquoise and indigo. He wore a Heather gray t-shirt, stretched out from wear, but it still clung to all of the right parts, and all Yuuri could think was how  _ soft _ it had to be under his fingers. Viktor’s collarbones nearly jumped out of his skin, the shadows cast by the bones creating sensual contours just below his neck. Dark gray sweatpants hung low on his hips--low, low,  _ low _ . Yuuri could see the band of his boxers, thinking of what was just below that--

“Yuuri?” Viktor waved a hand in front of his face, trying to knock him out of his own little world. “Is everything okay? Your face is red.”

Heat burned his entire face. “Y-yeah, just, um, I'm really worried about this assignment!”

Viktor smiled brightly at him and clasped his right shoulder. “It's nothing we can't figure out together. Come inside.” He lead Yuuri to a small living room, barely enough space for the 4-person dining table in the corner and a sofa. There were paintings and unframed posters lining the walls, adding to the personality of the place. The kitchen was practically nonexistent, hardly large enough for an oven and a fridge. Three tall bookcases stood side by side on one of the walls in the living room, stacks of books taking up every possible inch of volume offered by the wooden shelves. Small trinkets and figurines lined the tops of the bookshelves. The last thing Yuuri noticed was in the corner; a large dog bed, currently occupied by a chocolate brown poodle snoozing away peacefully. Viktor noticed Yuri staring in the corner for longer than a few beats. “Her name is Makkachin. I’ve had her since I was a kid.” He smiled softly and tugged on Yuuri’s sleeve. “Let’s sit at the table. Show me what’s got you so worried.”

“O-okay, yeah.” Yuuri moved to the dining room table and pulled his textbook from his bag.  _ Now is not the time to be shy and stuttery. Now is the time to turn on your Eros.  _ He flipped to the page of the homework assignment and pointed to the second problem. “I guess I don't understand what exactly I'm supposed to do.”

Viktor pulled out a chair and sat as close to Yuuri as is possible without sitting in his lap. He leaned over, his shoulder brushing against Yuuri’s bicep. He smelled of sweet vanilla and soft musk, Yuuri noted. “Ah, okay, all you have to do is…” Yuuri completely zoned out, oblivious as to what Viktor was saying. He truthfully should have been listening, he really didn't understand the assignment, but he had a more pressing task at hand. 

Yuuri gulped thickly, banishing any stuttery thoughts from his mind.  _ It's now or never. Prove you're worth it.  _

Viktor was hunched over a piece of notebook paper, outlining the steps to solve the problem. His bangs shielded his eyes from Yuuri, thankfully. With shaky breaths, Yuuri leaned into Viktor and swiped his tongue against the shell of his ear. He slid hand onto Viktor’s inner thigh, just a few inches from his crotch as he kissed the blonde’s ear, hoping against all hope that what he was doing was perceived as sexy and  _ not _ gross. 

Instantly Viktor pulled away from Yuuri, the sudden jerky movement causing the two to bump heads in a painful collision. Viktor raised a hand to the spot Yuuri had just placed his tongue, his mouth hanging open in awe. “W-what was that?” he asked,  tone unreadable. 

_ Oh god is he mad? Did I do something wrong? _

Yuuri gulped and narrowed his eyes slightly. 

_ No, I need to embrace my Eros.  _

Without so much as coughing away the stuttering apology that creeped up his throat, Yuuri leaned even closer to Viktor, hand still on his thigh. “Picking up where we left off last night.” His voice came out somewhere between a whisper and the husky growl he’d wanted. He willed away the urge to wink--he had to draw the line somewhere. 

Viktor blinked owlishly-- _ when did his eyes get so big? _ \--and chuckled lightly but did not make a move to pull away from Yuuri. He intertwined his long fingers with Yuuri’s, their hands clasped on top of his thigh, close to his knee. Their noses were almost touching when he spoke. “Not like this, Yuuri.” His breath puffed against Yuuri’s cheeks, cool and minty. “I promise I’ll make it special. You deserve it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor yuuri, so insecure! The next chapters are cute and i hope you will enjoy them after this extreme introspection!


	8. homework and hairless chests

_ Special? _

Yuuri couldn’t believe his ears--Viktor wanted their first time to be…  _ special? _

_ Isn’t it always special? _

At that thought, Yuuri realized how naive he was about anything sexual.  _ Obviously _ it wasn’t special every time, otherwise Viktor wouldn’t have said anything about it. But why did Viktor care so much?

_ Maybe he’s stalling. _

Yuuri gave himself a mental face-palm; Viktor  _ had _ to be stalling. There’s little to no chance Viktor found him attractive, so he was waiting until a little bit later once he forced himself to feel attracted to Yuuri, or maybe once he forged attraction to Yuuri after spending lots of time together. 

“Now, where were we?” Viktor squeezed Yuri’s hand once before letting go completely. He explained the problem to Yuuri, referencing the step-by-step solution he’d written out before Yuuri’s little (failed) stunt. None of it was clicking in Yuuri’s brain--it wasn’t that Viktor was a bad teacher or not good at explaining things, but Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking about Viktor pushing him away  _ again. _

_ Most guys would jump at the chance to get some action, right? _

To be fair, Yuuri hadn’t ever jumped at the chance at having sex, but he’d never truly felt attraction to anyone before, and he’d only had one girl ever try to  _ do _ anything to him. It was their first date and he felt like she was only interested in one thing--his moderately squishy body. He’d also never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend), so he supposed he was pretty clueless about everything in the sexual department. But, if Viktor had… done stuff before, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? So what if Yuuri had never done anything--he was nearly 23, he didn’t feel any particular attachment to the term “virgin” anymore (not that he ever had). He always assumed it would happen eventually--or not at all, and that was fine. But now he actually  _ has _ a boyfriend--they’re supposed to do these things, right?

“A-are you not attracted to me?” Yuuri asked boldly, before he could stop himself. He  _ really _ needed to stop thinking out loud. 

Viktor didn’t look up at him, but did stop with whatever he had been writing on his scratch sheet of paper. “I take it you haven’t been paying attention this entire time?” He sighed and laughed lightly. The chair beneath him creaked a bit as he leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest, shaking his head as if to say  _ “What will I do with you now?” _ “What gave you that insane idea?”

Yuuri averted his gaze. His fingers twisted nervously in his lap as he looked down at his shoes. “W-well, you-you’ve pushed me away twice now, and I saw how close you were with that blonde guy--” His eyes shot up as he realized what had come spewing from his stupid, traitorous mouth. There was no coming back from this, so he didn’t even try. 

“Blonde guy?” Viktor raised a finger to his chin in thought. “I’m not sure who you’re talking about,” he said seriously, without malice or accusation, all curiosity. 

“F-from your Instagram. There were these pictures of… you two… together.”  _ This is horrifying. _ Yuuri felt like his whole face was on fire. 

“Hmm…” It took Viktor a moment, but soon he had a lightbulb moment. “Oh, you must mean Christophe! He’s a good friend, one of the few people in Detroit I am close with.” Viktor smiled devilishly at Yuuri. “Do I sense  _ jealousy _ ?” 

Yuuri spluttered. “I-I-um, n-no, it just seemed like you two were very… close during your relationship, so I thought maybe it was something… about me.”

Viktor laughed aloud, the sound warm and endearing. “R-relationship?” he managed out between giggles. “No, no, Yuuri, you’ve got it all wrong! We are close, but we are  _ just friends _ . You have nothing to worry about, my katsudon.” 

“Katsudon?” Yuuri flushed. 

Chin resting in the palm of his hand, Viktor beamed at Yuri. “I know you saw my story about the  _ sexy katsudon _ . I can always rely on you to comment. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Now, let’s get back to this homework, alright?”

* * *

 

Two hours into their study session--two hours after they  _ actually _ started--Viktor yawned and stretched his arms above his head. The pale flesh of his abdomen peaked out as his shirt lifted up slightly, which only served to drive Yuuri crazy. “Are you hungry?” Viktor asked politely as he stood up. “I can’t make much, but I do owe you something from Russia.”

“Oh, um, I guess I am a little hungry. But you don’t have to do all that!” Yuuri scooted his chair back, happy to finally have a break from calculus. He cracked his back and rolled his neck. 

“I promised you I’d make you something Russian! This is one of the few promises I haven’t forgotten!” Viktor reached into a cabinet and start pulling out various cooking utensils and glassware. “I can make you  _ pirozki _ . It’s a street food of sorts. I think you’ll like it,” Viktor explained as he became a whirlwind in the kitchen. “Keep working on your assignment. You’ll get a break when the food is ready!” he sing-songed. 

With a sigh, Yuuri continued his homework. Thankfully, there were only two problems left. Two god forsaken problems, and then he got to spend time with Vickor. If Viktor still wanted him there, he supposed. 

While he scribbled down numbers and letters that seemed correct, Viktor was mumbling to himself. Yuuri tried to listen in on whatever he was talking about, but realized Viktor was only partially speaking in English. As someone who was bilingual, Yuuri understood the habit of switching back and forth between two languages. Yuuri remembered when he showed a friend one of his favorite childhood movies,  _ Grave of the Fireflies _ . Halfway through the movie he couldn't stand the feeling that the film was somehow different--he could've sworn the movie was somehow  _ better _ when he was a kid--and then he realized he'd never watched it in English before. His mom would sometimes scold him for switching to English halfway through their conversations--both languages seemed so normal to him. He couldn't remember a time when his dreams weren't in both English and Japanese. 

Even though Yuuri was plenty proficient in English, he felt a deeper connection to Japanese as a language. He felt it was part of who he was, reminded him of his family and culture. On the odd occasion of actually finding someone else who spoke Japanese, he'd instantly become elated and start chatting in his native language. He was sure Viktor felt the same way--there's just something about speaking in  _ your _ tongue that provides a sense of home Yuuri couldn't explain. 

_ Maybe I should learn Russian. _

Yuuri shook his head. English was fine--they were both comfortable with it. Besides, he and Viktor just started dating, it would be silly to  _ learn a new language _ for his boyfriend of exactly 25 hours--even if Yuuri understood better than anyone how impactful language was on relationships. 

Yuuri looked down at his paper. Somehow during his musings, he managed to finish the last of the problem set. He smiled to himself, proud that he made it through without Viktor--even if it was only the tail-end of the assignment. He looked into the kitchen, leaning back in his chair a bit. He saw Viktor cooking something up in a pan, and smiled when he noticed Viktor's apron, a baby blue color with Cyrillic lettering on the front. He squinted his eyes to try to decipher it, as if that would help, and before he knew what was going on, he came crashing to the ground, his papers scattering all over the floor and his chair sliding from beneath him. He grabbed his book on the way down, which only resulted in the heavy textbook hitting him square in the face. 

He groaned and rubbed his head, not moving to get back up.  _ How embarrassing. _ He hoped against all hope that Viktor was somehow lost in his own little culinary world so that he didn’t hear Yuuri’s pride come crashing down along with his body. But the universe couldn’t wait to take this opportunity to screw over Yuuri once more. 

“Yuuri? Are you alright?” Viktor dropped the spatula on the counter and came rushing back into the dining area. He dropped to his knees in front of Yuuri and held the brunette’s face in his hands tenderly. “Are you hurt?” His eyes were searching Yuuri’s. 

Yuuri blushed lightly and grabbed Viktor’s wrists next to his face. “I’m fine, I mostly feel a little stupid.”

Viktor continued to stare at him, holding his cheeks in his hands. After a few moments, he leaned forward and softly kissed Yuuri. Before Yuuri could respond to the kiss--and  _ oh _ how he would have responded--Viktor pulled away, a slight smile on his lips. “I’m glad you’re not hurt. What were you doing to end up here?” Yuuri sputtered for a moment; Viktor hushed him before he could grab hold of his words. “Could it be that you were staring at me? Trying to steal a peek at my  _ body _ ?” As he said the word ‘body,’ Viktor leaned in to Yuuri’s neck and whispered in as sultry of a voice he could pull off. He smirked as he pulled away from Yuuri, hands falling by his side once more. Winking, he said, “Don’t worry, I don’t mind. I could take off my shirt if you’d like?”

“Uh…” Yuuri swallowed thickly. He could feel heat spread from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, all the way down his neck.  _ What am I supposed to say to that? _ Viktor did not say or do anything further while Yuuri continued to think about his next move. Reluctantly, he nodded his head, if only to fill the silence with  _ something. _

Viktor’s smirk grew impossibly wide as he stood, lifting his apron over his head. He grasped the hem of his shirt and slowly, tantalizingly raised the fabric over his head. 

Nothing Yuuri could have ever imagined could possibly live up to the sight in front of him. Viktor’s broad chest bore not a single stray hair, all expanse of smooth, pale flesh. Yuuri’s eyes hungrily took in the site of his well-defined pecs, his perky pink nipples. As his eyes trailed lower, he saw abs fit for the gods. The only hairs found anywhere on Viktor’s torso were lined-up neatly in the form of a trail leading from his belly button to somewhere below his boxers.  _ Why are his sweatpants hanging so low?  _ Those very sweatpants were clinging to the widest part of his hips, perfectly showing off the standard V of men’s hip bones; Viktor’s V was incredibly deep, and so incredibly  _ sensual, _ Yuuri almost didn’t know what to do with himself. He knew what he  _ wanted _ to do, but he knew he had to keep it underwraps. Viktor wanted to wait--or at least make it special. 

_ Is there anyway he could make it special in the next five minutes? _

“You should take a picture, it will last longer,” Viktor teased, winking once more. He knelt down and lifted Yuuri’s chin with his outstretched fingers. He planted another soft,  _ too-short _ , kiss on Yuuri’s lips before standing once more and putting his apron back on. “The  _ pirozkhi _ are almost done. Take a seat and I’ll bring them out to you.” With that, Viktor turned on his heel, leaving Yuuri to stare at his  _ far too perky _ ass. Yuuri could have sworn Viktor was swinging his hips more than normal. 

Yuuri had a hard time keeping it together. His heart thudded in his chest, the sound of his blood racing harsh in his ears. He raised a hand to his chest, clutching his shirt just above his heart. Never had he been this turned on in his life--truthfully he’d only really been turned on once before, and that was the other night with Viktor when things got a little ( _ a lot _ ) heated. He didn’t even want to look down at his pants at the moment, he knew what he’d find. 

_ What is happening? I-I’m not some pervert! Viktor is just--he’s--Viktor is just a guy without his shirt on. You’ve been in locker rooms before, it’s exactly the same. _

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, Yuuri began to gather the papers that scattered across the floor during his fall. He stood and picked up the open textbook lying face-down on the ground, setting all of his school things in a neat pile on the dining table. The chair scraped loudly against the vinyl floor as he took a seat. His head fell into his hands and he breathed deeply, slowly, willing away the throbbing sensation in his nether regions. 

_ This isn’t like you, Yuuri. What’s going on? _

Yuuri had no idea what to do. He didn’t want Viktor to think he was some pig who was only after his body. Yuuri knew he had to right--he wasn’t attractive himself; Viktor was so far out of his league; Yuuri had never even caught a glimpse of the edge of Viktor’s league. And he’d had girls and guys practically throw themselves at him, and he’d never reacted at all. But as soon as Viktor took his shirt off, Yuuri’s conviction went straight to his dick. 

“You seem distressed, was the homework too much without my help?” Viktor entered the dining area and set down two plates, each with four delicious-smelling pockets of  _ something _ . Once his hands were free, he placed one of his palms flat against Yuuri’s back and rubbed soothingly. 

Yuuri jumped slightly as Viktor came into contact with him--he was  _ way _ too sensitive for any sort of touching right now. “Um, I-no, I finished it b-before I… fell.” He didn’t lift his head from his hands as he spoke, just mumbled into his clenched fists. 

He heard the chair beside him move across the floor, followed by the rustling of clothes. “Yuuri?” Viktor’s voice was so close, right next to his ear. Yuuri felt his breath on his cheek. “Is something wrong? Did you hurt yourself when you fell? Do you feel sick?” He continued rubbing slow circles on the plane of Yuuri’s back. 

Yuuri could only shake his head in response. What was he supposed to say?  _ “I’m incredibly turned on just from seeing your naked chest?” “Take me now, I don’t care if it’s special?”  _ He couldn’t say any of those things, so he continued to mentally will away his now-painful erection, but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see behind his eyelids was VIctor without a shirt. 

_ God, kill me now. _

“Yuuri, if there’s something wrong, you can--” Viktor’s hand stilled against his back as he cut himself off. “Ah, I see,” he continued, his voice alight with the hints of a smile. “You needn’t be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us.” He moved his hand from Yuuri’s back to his thigh, a respectable distance from Yuuri’s  _ problem _ . 

Yuuri groaned. Finally, he lifted his face from his hands and looked shyly at Viktor. “Thi-this hasn’t really… happened… t-to me, before. I-I don’t know what’s gotten into me! I-I’m not a pervert, I swear, I really like you, it’s just--you--you’re so--” Yuuri caught himself before he could finish the sentence with the word  _ “hot _ .” If he was embarrassed at that moment, he would  _ die _ if he’d blurted out how attractive he thought Victor was. “I--I feel…” Yuuri raised his head higher, striking intense eye contact with Viktor as he continued, “We haven’t known each other long, but I think you’re special, too, Viktor! You’re special to me! And I want to keep going with you, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea--this is more than just--just--sex, it’s so much more than that, Viktor.”

Viktor stared at him, wide-eyed, hand still on Yuuri’s thigh. He opened his mouth, about to respond, but Yuuri kept going. 

“I had the best time last night. I need you to know it wasn’t--it isn’t some ruse to sleep together. I-I feel like I’ve gotten to know you a lot recently, and you’re--you’re--” Yuuri couldn’t for the life of him find the right words to describe his emotions, words yet again failing him in his most desperate moments. He reached out and grabbed both of Viktor’s hands. “Stay close to me.”

Viktor beamed at Yuuri, positively  _ radiant _ . He pulled Yuuri into his arms, his face settling into the crook of Yuuri’s neck, baby brunette hairs tickling his nose. “I’m so glad you asked,” he whispered into Yuuri’s ear, his happy tears causing his voice to tremble a bit. Just as quickly as he pulled Yuuri into his embrace, he pulled away, his hands still on Yuuri’s shoulders. “Would you like to spend the night here, with me, Yuuri?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to drop a kudos or a comment! ^.^


	9. second date(?) shenanigans

Yuuri gulped and stared wide-eyed at Viktor. Without even thinking through the consequences, he said, “Yes!” It came out a little more aggressive than he’d meant for it to, but Viktor either didn’t notice or didn’t care, just continued to beam at him with the most gorgeous smile he’d ever had the honor of witnessing. 

Viktor pulled his hands away from Yuuri, but not without a final pat to his thigh. “Then let’s eat, shall we?” With that, he lifted a  _ pirozkhi _ to his lips and took a bite, moaning as the filling made its way down his throat. 

Yuuri was enthralled. The way Viktor  _ moaned _ made his stomach flip. He watched as Viktor swallowed, the movement of his Adam’s apple ridiculously sexy. 

_ There’s no winning with this man, is there? _

“Here, try one! They aren’t as good as some of the ones I had in Russia, but they’re still delicious!” Viktor coaxed, pushing Yuuri’s plate closer to him. 

Nodding, Yuuri picked up one of the Russian delicacies and put it to his lips. Immediately, he was  _ in love _ . “These are amazing!” Yuuri gazed at the food in his hands with awe. Viktor patted him on the knee and continued to eat. 

The two ate in silence for a few minutes, before Viktor started telling Yuuri more about him--even more of his interests, what he does for fun, some stories about Christophe. Yuuri listened intently, always nodding or “hmm”ing in response when necessary. In turn, Yuuri told Viktor more about himself, too, even though he felt all he’d done on their date was talk about himself. But now Yuuri was learning more about Viktor--the more he heard, the deeper he fell. 

Suddenly, in the middle of a story about Viktor falling into a freezing lake because a classmate had dared him to step on the apparently too-thin ice, Yuuri realized that  _ he was going to spend the night with Viktor. _ Not only had he never spent the night at someone’s house (save for the occasional friend’s birthday party or when he had a little too much to drink at a peer’s house) before--he’d never shared a bed with anyone before. 

_ Does Viktor want to share a bed with me? _

Yuuri thought that maybe when Viktor invited him over for the night, he meant that Yuuri would be sleeping on the couch, or maybe a guest bedroom hidden somewhere in the tiny apartment. Surely he didn’t mean that they would actually  _ share a bed _ on their second date--if you could even call a tutoring session and dinner a  _ date _ . 

What if Yuuri does something weird in his sleep he never knew about? What if Viktor started spooning him in the middle of the night? What if Yuuri woke up with an erection and it offended Viktor? What if--

_ I don’t have a toothbrush. _

Viktor laughed heartily, dropping his last  _ pirozkhi _ onto his plate. “If it’s that important to you, you could always use mine.” Another dazzling smile. “Are you almost finished? I was thinking we could watch a movie before bed.” 

“I-um, yeah, I’m actually pretty full.” Yuuri looked down at his plate and saw a full, untouched  _ pirozkhi _ staring him in the face. “A movie sounds great.” 

_ Why do I keep thinking out loud? _

With a wide smile on his face (and still no shirt), Viktor collected both plates and set them in the sink in the kitchen. “Is there any movie you have in mind?” he asked Yuuri as he walked over to a small bookshelf lined with DVDs. “My collection isn’t very large, I apologize.”

Yuuri moved next to Viktor, scanning over the contents of the shelves. He could tell that Viktor was a fan of horror movies--almost half of the films were of the genre. Horror was the one thing Yuuri couldn’t handle--the last time he’d seen a scary movie, he’d had nightmares for weeks. Yuuri saw a movie which seemed either like a comedy or a romantic comedy, one of the few on the shelf that caught Yuuri’s attention. It was a movie he’d never seen but vaguely remembered hearing about years ago; it was entitled  _ Juno _ . He pulled the disc out. Upon flipping the case over, he saw a pregnant girl (who looked far younger than Yuuri anticipated) on the front and almost immediately regretted his decision. But it was too late--he’d already picked up the DVD. He handed it to Viktor, trying to look as determined as possible (but he was fairly certain he looked like a lost puppy--Viktor would agree).

Viktor smiled at him and gently plucked the movie from Yuuri’s grip. “This is one of my favorites,” he spoke softly as he knelt in front of his TV to insert the disc. “Have you seen it?” Yuuri shook his head. Viktor walked to the couch and sat down, patting the cushion next to him. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

Nodding resolutely, Yuuri took his place atop the middle cushion. Immediately, Viktor curled into his side, nudging his right arm to wrap around Viktor’s shoulders. Redness blossomed on his cheeks as he felt Viktor’s body heat seep through his shirt. Victor let out a satisfied “hmm,” and rested a hand on Yuuri’s thigh, close to his knee. 

Yuuri had no idea what to do, so he just sat there, stiff as as the TV screen flashed with previews. He breathed deeply, slowly, and had to remember that this was  _ Viktor _ \--not someone to be afraid of. If he was honest with himself, Yuuri knew he had problems letting people touch him. He’d never been touchy-feely with anyone, including his family; none were huggers. In his few days with Viktor, he realized that the blonde was the exact opposite. Every time Viktor so much as laid a finger on him, Yuuri’s heart would flutter, his chest would tighten, his face would go up in a blaze of vermillion. With Viktor curled into his side, fingers rubbing slow circles over his knee, hair tickling his neck, chest rising and falling against his waist, Yuuri thought he might spontaneously combust.

In front of them, the TV speakers let out the sounds of soft strumming and indie lyrics as the opening credits rolled. Yuuri couldn’t focus on any of the names etched onto the screen, could only feel Viktor pressed so closely to his side, smell Viktor’s sweet musky scent, hear Viktor’s soft breaths. As the opening song ended, Yuuri caught himself staring down at the beautiful man at his side. The silvery strands of Viktor’s hair looked so soft, like silk, the glow of the TV glinting off of their ultra-shine. He couldn’t stop his hand from reaching upward, his arm brushing against the smooth skin of Viktor’s back. Of their own accord, Yuuri’s fingers twisted through Viktor’s hair, silently praising its velvety texture. His thumb swiped against the nape of Viktor’s neck lovingly. Yuuri couldn’t help but indulge in the shiver of Viktor’s pliant body against his own. 

Glimmering pools of blue found Yuuri’s cinnamon-hued eyes. “Yuuri,” Viktor breathed out. His eyes were searching Yuuri’s. 

Before he could say more, Yuuri felt the unmistakable texture of fur against his arm. Surprised, he reluctantly broke eye-contact with Viktor, only to lay eyes on the chocolate poodle he’d previously seen snoozing in the corner. The pooch made herself at home atop Yuuri’s left thigh, his wet nose leaving a circular spot on his jeans. Now that he’d gotten a closer look at the dog, Yuuri thought to his childhood pet, Vicchan. He remembered begging his parents for a dog for Christmas every single year. His sister, Mari, would occasionally chime in that she also wanted a pet, though she preferred cats. Finally, though, on his seventh Christmas, Yuuri was gifted with a companion--his new best friend. Yuuri had never been very good at making or keeping friends, but Vicchan never left him to go play with someone else, always stayed by his side. Yuuri couldn’t have imagined how dark his childhood would have been without his dog--thinking back to his old memories, Vicchan seemed to illuminate every point of Yuuri’s life. That is, until he died of some sort of stomach illness only a few years ago, about halfway through Yuuri’s college career. Along with increased criticism from his professors, the death of his life-long companion crushed him like a thousand-pound boulder. The vet said there was nothing they could do to save Vicchan, but that didn’t stop Yuuri from working copious amounts of overtime, even taking on the occasional odd-job around his neighborhood, to try to pay for a surgery, medicine, treatment,  _ anything _ to save his best friend. His efforts ended in vain, however, after less than two weeks after the diagnosis. 

Yuuri cracked a small, pained smile. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he gazed down at this curly-haired creature snuggling into his side, much like the pooch’s owner on Yuuri’s other side. He allowed his free hand to stroke through the dog’s coarse coat, stopping at its stomach to scratch gently. Makkachin rolled over slightly to reveal more of her tummy. 

Chuckles erupted from Yuuri’s left side. “It seems Makkachin likes you as much as I do,” Viktor near-whispered into Yuuri’s chest as he reached across the brunette’s lap to pet the dog on the head lovingly. He murmured something in Russian, directed toward Makkachin, Yuuri assumed. 

The three settled into comfortable silence, Viktor nuzzled into Yuuri’s right side, Makkachin wedged into his left. Yuuri’s fingers were tangled in silken strands on one hand, thick curls on the other. 

Yuuri could say he’d had a taste of heaven that night. 

* * *

 

As the end credits scrolled by, Viktor reluctantly lifted himself from Yuuri’s warm embrace. While he would have loved to stay curled up on the couch with his two favorite beings, he was exhausted. Besides, cuddling  _ in bed _ seemed much more appeasing to him. He stretched his arms above his head, yawning loudly. He watched in delight as Yuuri’s eyes travelled down his bare torso. “I’m tired, bed time?” Viktor stood from the couch as he spoke. 

Yuuri shifted awkwardly away from Makkachin. “U-um, okay. I-I’ll, um, stay here on the couch, then,” he mumbled, face slightly pink. 

Viktor stared at him, bewildered.  **_Does he really think I’d make him stay on the couch?_ **  “Don’t be silly, Yuuri. You’re sleeping with me tonight.” His grin was back on his face, wide and bright. “I have to warn you, I do sleep naked.” He winked at Yuuri, who was blushing furiously. Viktor loved seeing pink stain the brunette’s cheeks. 

Yuuri opened and closed his mouth, as if searching for the right words to say, his lips moving like those of a fish out of water. The sight made Viktor want to burst into tears of laughter, but he pushed away the urge and thought better of teasing this poor boy. 

Instead, Viktor leaned down until he was eye-level with the deliciously-flushed Yuuri. With a serious expression, Viktor closed the space between them with a gentle, chaste kiss. “I’m only joking, dear Yuuri. I’ll sleep with clothes on for tonight.” He stood back up, hands on his narrow hips. Yuuri’s eyes remained closed from their short kiss. “But maybe next time,  _ da _ ?” Viktor watched in enjoyment as Yuuri’s eyes snapped open in shock, his brain slowly processing the fact that Viktor had practically promised a  _ next time _ . 

_ This boy is truly too much. _

To Viktor, his own words held a wish for many, many  _ next times _ . 

He quietly padded to his bedroom, making sure to exaggeratedly swing his hips side to side. The only regret he had in that moment was that he didn’t get to see Yuuri’s no-doubt incredulous reaction to his movements. 

As much as he enjoyed torturing, teasing Yuuri with his body--he was confident in himself, he knew he had a hot body, so why not flaunt it to his newly crowned  _ boyfriend _ \--he knew he should tone it down. After Yuuri told him he’d never done anything physical with anyone before, Viktor  _ did _ feel like a complete dick. Not that he’d had a long-term relationship before, but in his past romantic endeavors, that was the way he showed his attraction--that was the way anyone had ever shown him their attraction:  _ physically _ . Even on his first dates, there were always hints of physical intimacy, cues for future possibilities. Viktor had never been in a romantic setting with someone without being overtly sexual in some way; regardless, he knew it was no excuse. He wasn’t out to take advantage of Yuuri. Yuuri really was special to him--Viktor couldn’t explain it, it was like Yuuri was a giant magnet meant to forcefully yank Viktor into him. When Yuuri started to speak about something for which he felt passion, his whole face lit up, his body language became more fluid, his eyes became endless pools of quicksand, dragging Victor to depths unknown. 

It was his overwhelming attachment to Yuri that made him decide that if and when the two finally  _ did _ have sex, it was going to be special. It wasn’t going to be some quick screw built up on lust. 

Even though Victor’s more logical, less horny inner voice told him to  _ calm the fuck down _ and let their true romance flourish without sexual pretense, his pent-up perv inner voice yelled at him to just  _ take Yuri _ already. But he was an adult--he was going to be a gentleman for Yuri. He wasn’t going to mess this up. 

He’d mentally slapped himself when he asked Yuri to stay the night. It’s not that Victor didn’t want to share a bed with Yuri-- _ oh how he did _ \--he just didn’t fully think about how Yuri would take it. Yuri had spent the last few weeks being shy and stuttery with Victor, until a few hours into their date the previous day. But again today, Yuri would sometimes shy away and become a stuttery mess again. Victor just wanted Yuri to be  _ comfortable _ around him. He reasoned that maybe being physically closer to Yuri would make them emotionally closer. Perhaps flawed logic, but Victor  _ had _ to find a way to break Yuri out of his shell. He thought that maybe some half-naked cuddles and late-night talks would do the trick. 

Victor finally reached his bedroom door and reached out to grasp the handle. He threw a glance over his shoulder to make sure Yuri was following him. Sure enough, the brunette was trailing about ten paces behind him, his eyes lowered to the grown, hands twisting in nervousness in front of him. With a soft smile on his face, Victor turned around to face his companion. He held his arms out to embrace Yuri. Yuri, however, didn’t notice and kept walking until he ran right into Victor’s chest. Laughing, Victor wrapped his arms around Yuri’s stiff form, his chin settling in the crook of Yuri’s neck. “I’m so glad you’re staying with me, Yuri.” 

Victor felt Yuri’s body melt into his embrace and he mentally sighed in relief. To his surprise, Yuri raised his own arms to settle on Victor’s shoulders, hands caressing his neck. “Thank you, Victor,” Yuri spoke softly into Victor’s ear. 

Victor pulled away and smiled brightly at Yuri, giddy as can be. He pushed open his bedroom door and stepped into the tiny room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of adding a bit of spice coming up soon~~ I've got the next few chapters planned out, but not yet written. Please subscribe if you'd like to see the new chapters as they come out! thanks for reading! :)


	10. in which yuuri spirals downward (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left me kudos! It means the word to me!! ^.^

“Yuuri… we can’t be together like this anymore.”

Yuuri’s head snapped up, eyes wild, alight with confusion and warm with unshed tears. His mouth opened and closed not unlike that of a fish, but no words came out. He couldn’t speak, because surely this wasn’t happening. Viktor wasn’t breaking up with him. No, he had just spent the night at his house! He hadn’t even had breakfast yet! Yuuri looked down, and sure enough he was in a loose fitting gray t-shirt he was sure wasn’t his, sheets which for sure weren’t his pooled around his hips. Everything was blurry--he didn’t even have his glasses on yet and Viktor was speaking about ending their relationship? 

Viktor reached a hand out, soft and warm as always, gently stroking Yuuri’s cheeks. “Don’t cry,  _ solnyshko _ . This would have happened sooner or later. As it is, you’re my student, Yuuri. And… you aren’t what I was expecting, if I’m being completely honest. I was hoping for more--more adventure, or something. I’m still young, I don’t need to stay in every night.” He smiled softly, mirth never reaching his eyes. His hair swooshed around his ears as he tilted his head to the side. “How about I make you a farewell breakfast before you head to class? I’d like to remain friends.”

* * *

 

Yuuri’s eyes flicked open lazily, his head foggy, filled with regret and sorrow. He didn’t move.  _ Where am I? _

As expected when he first wakes up, the world around him was just as blurry as his thoughts felt. His heart ached unexpectedly for having spent the night with his boyfriend-- _ boyfriend _ \--for the first time. Slowly, hesitantly, Yuuri sat up, expecting to find a boner either in his lap or cradled against his ass, but found nothing. Reluctantly, Yuuri looked at the bed next to him, only to find it empty. The sheets felt cold under his fingertips. Viktor had been gone for quite some time. 

Tears welled in his eyes. Surely if Viktor had broken up with him, Yuuri would have left, right? He wouldn’t have fallen right back asleep in his now-ex-boyfriend’s bed. Right? With minimal struggle, Yuuri found his glasses on the nightstand on his side of the bed ( _ his side) _ , along with his phone. He had a few messages from Phichit, a new acquaintance from one of his lit classes, and a message from his mother. He breathed deeply, shakily, before rising to his feet. He was fully dressed, though not in his clothes--the same soft gray shirt Viktor wore when he answered the door the night previous hung loosely around Yuuri’s more petite frame. Sweatpants Yuuri didn’t recognize clung to his hips, straining around his thick thighs. Yuuri saw his clothes from yesterday piled in a messy heap near the door and made a mad dash to change as quickly as possible--it would have been mortifying for Viktor to walk in on him changing. As Yuuri tightened his belt, the aroma freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon crept under the door, right into his nostrils. His stomach let out a low grumble. 

_ “How about I make you a farewell breakfast?” _

Yuuri gulped and took a deep, calming breath. (Well, it was supposed to be calming, but “calm” and “Yuuri Katsuki” weren’t friends.) He glanced down at his phone and realized that it was already 10:30--he had class at 11 and Viktor’s apartment was at least a 15 minute drive from campus, and Yuuri would have to find parking somewhere and oh god he was going to be late, wasn’t he? Cursing under his breath, Yuuri opened the door to the living area and steeled himself for what was going to be not only the most awkward but also the shortest post-breakup conversation of all time. 

As Yuuri stepped into the entryway, his heart lurched. There stood Viktor, in all of his beauty. Even this early in the morning he was absolutely stunning, and in nothing but boxers and an old, ratty t-shirt no less. 

Said beautiful human paused in his cooking and looked at Yuuri over his shoulder, grin as bright as ever. Yuuri could have sworn his mouth was shaped like a heart. “Yuuri!” Viktor set down the spatula in his hands and grabbed a mug from the counter, steam rising over the lip. “How is my wonderful  _ boyfriend _ doing this morning? How do you take your coffee? Black? Cream, sugar?”

Yuuri’s chest ached, burned, but for an entirely different reason than earlier. Viktor hadn’t broken up with him, it was just his stupid insecurities being projected in his dreams (nightmares?). He clutched his shirt just above his heart, relieved. He breathed out, not having realized he was holding his breath this entire time, waiting to see Viktor’s reaction to him. “I--I, um, good morning, Viktor.” Yuuri closed his eyes briefly, moving to his backpack at the foot of the couch to pull out his trusty travel mug. “I-it’s um, actually much later than I expected and I have class in less than half an hour so I really have to go, but um, I can take some of this to eat on the way, if that’s okay?” He turned toward Viktor, reaching for the liquid caffeine in his hands. 

Viktor’s smile disappeared as he poured the steaming liquid into Yuuri’s offered container. “I’m so sorry, if I’d known you have class this early I would have woken you. You seemed so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you!” He became a flurry in the kitchen, packing food into plastic containers with lids, shoving everything into a once-used plastic shopping sac from some local grocery store. “I was hoping to have breakfast with you this morning, but I suppose we have plenty of time for that, da?” Viktor’s grin was back in full force as he handed Yuuri a full breakfast packed to-go ( _ with love? _ ). “I’ll see you later today in tutorial. Bring your questions, even if I’ve already answered them! Remember, others learn from your questions, too. Goodbye,  _ solnyskho _ .” He braced an arm against Yuuri’s pec and kissed him quickly on the lips. 

While Viktor had become a tornado in the kitchen, Yuuri’d busied himself with getting his shoes on and making sure he packed up all of his class materials for the day. He’d only really heard about half of what Viktor had said, but was eternally grateful that this man wasn’t upset he had to leave so quickly. Yuuri, shoes on and backpack slung over one shoulder, easily returned Viktor’s kiss and grabbed the bag from his hands. “Thank you so much, Viktor. I had a great time last night. I’ll see you later, love you.” 

And he left. 

* * *

 

Halfway to campus with a piece of slightly soggy toast hanging from his mouth, some strange classical/hip-hop mashup blasting from his car stereo, Yuuri realizes what he told Viktor as he rushed out the door--that he  _ loves him _ . 

_ “...love you.” _

The bread fell from his mouth and he struggled to keep himself from swerving into the next lane. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god I told Viktor I love him on our second date! If it can even be called a date!_ _What the hell was I thinking oh god he thinks I’m some freak now right? He has to._

Yuuri managed to, thankfully, find a parking spot on the first loop through the parking lot closest to his first class. All the while, he was mentally kicking himself for blurting that sentiment to Viktor while  _ rushing out the door _ . That’s something that’s said on a super romantic date, preferably months after two people start dating and actually know each other. Right?

_ You just had a nightmare that he broke up with you. You were just relieved he didn’t actually! _ Yuuri’s better half reasoned with him. 

_No, you’re an obsessive social outcast who has no idea what social cues are,_ his anxiety-ridden half scolded. _Surely he thinks you’re a weirdo now._ _Who knows what freakish things you did in your sleep, too_. 

Yuuri scrambled to gather all of his things, shoved the last bit of bacon into his mouth, and basically ran to his first class. He nearly collided with three passersby, uttering hastened apologies as he moved through the crowds. 

 

Thankfully his first few lectures distracted him enough to keep him from freaking out anymore over what was probably the dumbest thing Yuuri Katsuki had ever said (which was saying a lot). But, alas, the clock struck 1:50 and he had to attend his tutorial with his boyfriend--assuming Viktor wouldn’t break up with him for his extreme faux paus. Yuuri made sure to take his sweet time walking to class--he didn’t want to risk Viktor coming in early and breaking the news before he had to endure an hour-long lecture led by the man. 

But the universe was on his side for once! It was exactly 2:00 before Viktor waltzed into the classroom. He got straight down to business, just like normal, eyes passing over Yuuri with a small smile on his lips but showed no outward sign of wanting to talk to him about anything serious.

The hour went by much too quickly for Yuuri’s liking. Once he realized that Viktor wasn’t going to break up with him--not here, not yet, at least--Yuuri wanted to soak up what was probably the last few moments of being in Viktor’s presence as his boyfriend, and not just as his less-than-average student. With his chin resting in the open palm of his hand, Yuuri’s eyes tracked every one of Viktor’s movements, not truly paying attention to what he was teaching--he’d already gotten a personal tutoring session on this material, so he was golden. But the thing about zoning out in class is that you truly miss everything and time flies by instead of creeping along at an agonizingly slow pace. 

2:50 came sooner than Yuuri had expected. He grudgingly packed away his belongings, both dreading and hoping for Viktor to ask him to stay after class. When Yuuri began walking to the door for head to his next class, he looked over at Viktor’s desk. The TA was answering some girl’s question one on one, his brow furrowed from focus. He didn’t even look up to Yuuri to wave goodbye or give one last charming smile. 

_ He doesn’t even care that I said I loved him. _

_ He’s been in love before, maybe too many times, so many times that it doesn’t matter that his boyfriend of a few days loves him. _

_ Who would care about Yuuri Katsuki’s feelings, anyway? _

Yuuri makes it through the last of his classes, pointedly avoiding using the backdoor close to the gazebo where he and Viktor kissed for the first time. He definitely doesn’t think about Viktor--Viktor breaking up with him, Viktor laughing at him, Viktor kissing  _ Melinda _ \--throughout his lecture on early American literature. 

Truthfully Yuuri doesn’t even remember the drive home. He’s stuck in his head the entire time, his chest tight, his fingers clenched, his brain riddled with anxiety, doubts plaguing his mind. He doesn’t register his mother’s warm greeting as he passes through the entryway to their joint home-restaurant-- _ I’m sorry mom I will tell you everything later, maybe _ \--nor Mari’s snide comments about not making it home the night previous. He has a one-track mind at this point:  _ get to your room before you break down, Katsuki _ . 

Despite the fact that the universe seems to have all the cards stacked against him, Yuuri manages to stumble into his room, throw aside his backpack, and collapse on to his bed before the tears begin to escape.

_ I’ve messed up. I messed it all up. Oh my god I had one shot and it’s all gone now.  _

What felt like hours later, a knock resounded throughout his childhood bedroom. “Yuu-chan? Are you alright?” his mother’s voice called, dripping with concern. “Dinner is almost ready, would you like to join us or should I bring you a tray?”

Yuuri peeked his head out of his warm blanket burrito and looked longingly at his door. “I, um, I’m not really hungry, mom. I-I’ll eat later,” he choked out, throat raw from the sobs torn from him. He heard his mom make an affirmative hum before turning away, her heavy footsteps falling against the wooden floors as she walked back to the kitchen. He picked up his phone to check the time. 6:30 PM. No new messages--at least not from Viktor. There were a few more messages from that boy, Phichit, from his advanced historical lit class, mostly asking if he wanted to meet up before the exam or what was the answer to such and such practice set?

Yuuri flicked through his message conversations (not that there were many) and pulled up the message exchange between he and Viktor (Viktor *heart emoji* as it was saved in his phone). An ugly, humorless chuckle ripped itself from Yuuri’s throat as he stared at that little red heart. It was apparent Viktor was angry or weirded out or  _ something _ . Normally he’d text Yuuri all throughout the day, sending him pictures of interestingly shaped leaves he found or selfies with Makkachin or encouraging quotes from various authors throughout history. 

Nothing but radio silence. 

Heart heavy, stomach empty, throat throbbing, Yuuri turned out his bedside lamp and fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep. 

* * *

 

_ [received 7:02 PM] Good evening, solnyshko!!  _ _ (●♡∀♡) _

_ [received 7:03 PM] I’m so sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after the tutorial today, Melinda had a few questions for me _

_ [received 7:03 PM] How was your day, lyubov moya? My grad supervisor had me running around doing errands for him all day, that’s why I haven’t been talking to you as much as normal!  _ _ (๑•﹏•)⋆* ⁑⋆* _

_ [received 7:05 PM] Here’s a picture of Makka to make up for it! [view attachment] _

_ [received 7:24 PM] Yuuri? Are you alright? _

_ [received 7:26 PM] You seemed out of it when you left this morning. Is everything okay? _

_ [received 8:06 PM] Did I do something wrong, Yuuri? Are you upset? _

_ [received 8:10 PM] Yuuri? _

_ [received 10:55 PM] I’m sure you’re asleep by now. Please call me when you wake up, we should talk. _

* * *

 

_ “We should talk.” _

Those words  _ never _ precede anything good, if movies and books and TV shows and music are anything to go off of. Yuuri had been asleep, completely blacked out from the weight of his anxiety and Viktor had finally contacted him. Of course, when Yuuri couldn’t respond. Viktor seemed worried at first, but then so… cordial, short, in his last text and it left Yuuri reeling. Even if Viktor never explicitly said he wanted to talk about Yuuri’s little  _ slip-up _ , Yuuri had this awful inkling of a gut feeling that Viktor had indeed heard him and did indeed have some sort of feelings on the matter. 

He contemplated calling Viktor that instant, but his gaze flicked up to the tiny clock at the top corner of his phone and he saw that it was 4:15 AM. Surely Viktor was asleep. 

Surely Yuuri could wait awhile before he makes the dreaded phone call. 

Yuuri thumbed through his “games” app folder before settling on some sort of mind-numbing puzzle game simple enough that he wouldn’t feel discouraged about completing it, but entertaining enough to keep his thoughts off of the impending  _ talk _ . 

At some point, he must have fallen asleep again. When he cracked his tired eyes open, he saw that it was 10:45 in the morning, 15 minutes after his first class started. He couldn’t bring himself to care, honestly. 

A few times throughout the day, soft knocks and non-intrusive questions filtered through his door. Yuuri responded in as few words as possible. 

He drifted in and out of sleep as the sun rose higher in the sky, sank to the horizon, and eventually dipped below his line of sight. 

Every now and then, his phone would buzz and chime before silence consumed the room once more.  

* * *

 

“--uri. Yuuri. Yuuri! Open the door, you have a guest.” This time, the voice on the other side of the door belonged not to his mother, but his obviously annoyed sister, Mari. “He’s very insistent that he sees you.” A beat of silence passes. “If you don’t answer I’ll just send him back here.”

Yuuri fell out of his bed in surprise. No one came to see him.

_ Oh no _ . 

Viktor knew where he lived. He’d come to pick him up on their first (read:  _ only _ ) date. 

_ Shit _ . 

Yuuri scrambled to his dresser and pulled out the least rumpled shirt he could find, along with questionably clean jeans. “I-I’ll be right out, don’t send him back!” Yuuri nearly screamed in his rush to look somewhat presentable. He peeled out of his two (three? four?) day-old clothes and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was slightly greasy but hopefully Viktor wouldn’t mind-- _ He wouldn’t mind since he’s probably only here to break up with you _ . With a quick comb-through using his fingers, Yuuri took a deep breath. It did absolutely nothing to settle his nerves. 

_ Go out there and take it like the adult you pretend to be, Katsuki _ . 

Sure enough, as Yuuri opened his bedroom door and stepped into the hallway, he heard laughter--that of his parents, a low snort from Mari (as close as a laugh as anyone could expect from her), and the warmth of  _ Viktor’s  _ soft giggles. 

_ Of course your parents like him. He’s charming as hell.  _

He had no idea what time of day it was. There were only a few stragglers left in the restaurant, cradling beers and flipping idly through that morning’s newspapers as commercials played from the overhead TV. He peaked his head around the corner just enough to see the long robes his mother wore during business hours brush against the wooden floors as he seemed to be  _ bouncing _ with joy at whatever story Viktor was telling. 

Swallowing down the lump rapidly growing in his throat, Yuuri stepped fully through the threshold, only to have his breath stolen from his very lungs. 

No matter how many times Yuuri Katsuki laid eyes on Viktor, the man’s beauty always seemed to surpass whatever mental image Yuuri painted of him in his head. Just when it seemed his pronounced cheekbones couldn’t get any higher, his eyes any bluer, his hair any more shiny, Viktor would take Yuuri’s breath away with his unfoundedly good looks. 

But it was the way his eyes lit up--in equal parts happiness and relief--when his gaze landed on Yuuri that the poor boy couldn’t handle. It was as if  _ Viktor _ couldn’t believe Yuuri was real until they saw each other face to face. 

“Yuuri!” Viktor strode over to Yuuri in record time and took him in his arms, his body heat enveloping Yuuri like the oldest, most sentimental blanket anyone could have. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He pulled away slightly, arms not leaving Yuuri’s waist, his eyes never wavering from Yuuri’s. “We should go somewhere, chat over some food, da?” It was all Yuuri could do to nod, properly dumbfounded.  _ Viktor isn’t mad? _ “I’m so happy to see you,  _ lyubov moya _ .” To emphasize his words, Viktor leaned down slightly to touch his lips to Yuuri’s slightly sweaty-- _ gross _ \--forehead. 

Yuuri felt Viktor’s cool fingers intertwine with his before he was dragged off, into the crisp autumnal air. He and Viktor fell into step next to each other, neither of them speaking, their hands swinging between them. Yuuri was stuck in his headspace, unable to formulate any words (coherent, at least), and before long Viktor lead him into a cozy looking cafe with one of those glass pastry display cases near the register. A few tables littered the dining area, only three other patrons taking up any space. Viktor pulled out a chair for Yuuri and promised him he’d be right back with two steaming cups of coffee. The man walked away, looking back over his shoulder as if making sure Yuuri hadn’t run away from him in the three seconds since he’d last touched him. 

Yuuri twisted his hands in his lap, his stare glued to the empty table in front of him. The buzzing of the overhead lights was the only thing he could focus on to keep his thoughts from heading into dangerous territory. He counted to 76 in his head when a stained mug filled three-quarters full appeared in his vision. He looked up and saw Viktor settling down into the rusty chair on the other side of the table. The man had on a lovely burgundy scarf wrapped snugly around his pale throat, a brilliant contrast to the silvery sheen of his hair and blue glow of his eyes. To busy his hands, Yuuri raised the offered coffee to his lips and revelled in the bitter warmth as it soothed his raw throat. 

“Yuuri…” Viktor started before snapping his mouth shut, cutting himself off. He reached out to run his fingers across Yuuri’s occupied hand. “I.. I don’t know what happened. I was so  _ worried, solnyshko _ . I’m so happy to see you.” Even though Viktor wore not a jovial smile, but a solemn expression on his beautiful face, Yuuri could hear the pleased tone in his words. “I’m not sure if it was something I did or said or what, but I’m so glad that you came out with me, Yuuri. Please look at me?” It wasn’t insistent, but  _ pleading _ . 

Yuuri was a weak man and easily obliged to his request, breath hitching as he took in the sight before him. As he looked closely, Yuuri saw the slight dark circles that formed bags cradling Viktor’s eyes, could see how dull his skin looked. Viktor looked wrecked. 

_ And it’s all your fault. _

He gulped thickly, the coffee threatening to rise up his esophagus as it bubbled angrily in his stomach. 

“I… it wasn’t anything  _ you _ did, Viktor. It--it was what I said before I--before I left your house yesterday? I thought you were mad or weirded out or--or didn’t feel the same and…” he trailed off, gaze anywhere but Viktor’s face. His hands twitched with every soft stroke of Viktor’s fingers against his skin. 

Confusion passed over Viktor’s face, his brow furrowing, his lips turning downward unhappily. “What you said? Yuuri, what are you talking about? I’m not mad about you having to leave so abruptly, I honestly feel so guilty about letting you sleep so late--”

“I said I love you!” Yuuri half-shouted without realizing it. The cashier and one of the patrons looked curiously at their table but said nothing. “Viktor, I--it was an accident, I didn’t mean it--”

“You… said you love me?” The crease in Viktor’s brow did not disappear, but only seemed to deepen. “I honestly… I don’t remember. How can I not remember?” Viktor removed his hand from the table entirely, Yuuri nearly whimpering at the loss of contact. “I am so sorry, Yuuri, I had no idea. You have to--no, you don’t have to but--Yuuri I don’t remember, I must not have heard you, I feel  _ awful _ .” He sipped at his drink before nearly dropping the cup entirely as he absorbed what Yuuri last said. “Wait, you… you didn’t mean it?”

Yuuri looked worriedly into Viktor’s eyes, hoping that his feelings could easily be conveyed with just a look. “I--I don’t know if I did, I don’t know if I do… It was just--something that people say? A sort of… knee-jerk reaction, maybe? I--I don’t know, Viktor, I’ve never--I’ve never… you know, done this. I’m not sure yet, but maybe… maybe one day I could get there.” He broke eye contact, choosing to watch the steam rise from his mug instead. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

Cool fingers stroked Yuuri’s cheek lovingly, slowly, soothingly. Yuuri still could not meet Viktor’s eyes. “Oh,  _ lyubov moya _ .” His voice was soft, like the words were meant for Yuuri and Yuuri alone. “Of course I will have you. For as long as you’ll allow me. Yuuri, look here.” His fingers pushed gently on Yuuri’s chin, urging him to make eye contact once more. “We have all the time in the world to figure this out, together, da? There is absolutely no rush. I will wait for you forever if I have to, Yuuri.” 

Viktor looked at him earnestly, eyes shining with truth and adoration. 

Yuuri continued to stare at him in silence for a moment, contemplating his next words. Against what his brain is telling him to do, he spills what his heart is yearning for Viktor to understand. “Viktor, I--I have terrible anxiety and sometimes I go into these--these depressive episodes, and there are days when… when everything is so difficult and I--I close myself off and I can’t, you know,  _ function _ . I’m… broken. I’m a lot of work.” He nervously sipped at his rapidly cooling drink. “You deserve someone who is… easier to deal with.”

The fingers on his face moved lower to cradle the back of his neck. “Yuuri, we are all a little bit broken. It’s nothing we can’t work through together. I promise to help you whenever I can, even if it means giving you space sometimes. Let me know, and I will back off when you need me to.” Viktor breathed in shakily. “I’m not sure about what I deserve, but Yuuri, I’m sure you’re much more than that. I will be here, right next to you, for as long as you allow it. I promise.” Viktor smiled brilliantly, all teeth and gums and everything Yuuri could have ever hoped for. “I’m happy to be anywhere with you,  _ solnyshko. _ Please don’t push me away.”

“Okay,” Yuuri breathed out. “If you’re sure, Viktor.”

Viktor caressed Yuuri’s face once more. “I’ve never been surer of anything, Yuuri.” He pulled his hand away slowly, stretching his arms above his head. “Now that all of this serious business is behind us, would you like to go on a proper date with me this Friday, Yuuri?”

Yuuri grinned at him over the rim of his coffee mug. “I’d like nothing more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm so remember when I said the next few chapters would be sweet? Well.... sorry. I feel like this had to happen ot get the two of them on the same page though. I _promise_ the next chapter at least will be sweet and cute and adorable and will hopefully make up for all of Yuuri's angsty inner monologue!


	11. the paella episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover II: revenge of the overnight bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most of the fandom headcannons Viktor as being more or less useless when it comes to being a responsible adult (ie a bad cook) but I personally think that he has to have picked up on at least some parts of being a "real adult" since he's been living alone for like 10 years. Also, homemade meals make the best date/sexy kitchen material, so here it is!
> 
> So sorry for the delay, things have been exceptionally crazy with registration and exams and work, and it's only going to get crazier, so I'm super sorry for any delays in future chapters! I have the rest of this week to do nothing, so I'm going to try to get at least one or two chapters done!
> 
> also i'd like to mention that this chapter was written mostly while listening to Taylor Swift 

“How did you get Mari to laugh?” Yuuri asked between giggles as Viktor finished one of his weird tales from his life in Russia. “She, like, never laughs, she’s always so serious!”

Viktor grinned mischievously at him. “I told that exact story to your family and they loved it, of course!” He popped a bite-sized cookie in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully before continuing, “Your parents are just wonderful, Yuuri! I’m so glad I was able to meet them sooner rather than later.” His smile was so pure Yuuri’s heart ached. 

“I--um, yeah, they are really great. I was, you know, hoping to properly introduce you maybe sometime later. Way later,” Yuuri near-whispered into his empty mug. 

“Awwww Yuuri, are you embarrassed of me?” Viktor pouted cutely across the table.

Yuuri spluttered, thankful that there was no hot liquid for him to spill unceremoniously all over himself. “I--no, of course not! I just, um, I never really… came out to my family?” He scratched nervously at his ear. “I don’t think they’d mind really, or make a big deal out of it, because it’s really not a big deal even to me, but, I just--you know, it’s something I kept putting off?” The argument sounded weak even to him, even though it was the honest to goodness truth of the matter. 

“Oh, Yuuri!” Viktor leaned all the way across the table and kissed the tip of his nose. “If I’m being truthful, I never came out to my family, either. I left Russia before I discovered it myself and it doesn’t seem like a conversation to have on the phone.” He sighed and waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Anyway, for our  _ date _ on Friday, don’t worry about dressing formally or anything. I want to make up for the trouble I’ve caused you the past few days.” Yuuri nodded resolutely. “And to be safe, maybe pack an overnight bag this time, da?” 

Wink.

* * *

Friday rolls around before Yuuri even realizes it. Viktor continued to text him as often as before their little spat, if not even more. Yuuri finally responds to that boy, Phichit, and they make plans to read over each other’s essays that weekend. They even got coffee together Thursday morning at the cafe he and Viktor had their study “date” at a few weeks ago. Phichit seemed nice enough, if not a little naive and a tad overbearing, especially at 9 in the morning  _ before _ Yuuri’d had any caffeine. The Thai boy was only a year younger than Yuuri and was also in his final year in university. He was a lit major as well. Yuuri was happy to have made another friend--he could tell the two were going to become close in the near future.

_ [received] You’re done with classes at 11 right? -V _

_ [sent] ya, aren’t you as well? _

_ [received] meet me under the maple tree in the middle of campus after your last class! I have a surprise for you lyubov moya!  _ _ (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) _

_ [sent] Will you ever tell me what that means? _

_ [received]  _ _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

Yuuri chuckled to himself as he read the messages from Viktor. He knew he could look up the rough translation of all the Russian pet names Viktor called him, but honestly, where was the fun in that? Excitement for whatever surprise Viktor had in store for him thrumming through his veins, Yuuri took his seat for his final lecture of the week--his final lecture before his date with Viktor! He’d reluctantly taken Viktor’s advice to pack an overnight bag--some spare clothes, actual pajamas, toothbrush, his medication--and only felt his face burn (out of embarrassment? anticipation?) for the first ten minutes of packing. He’d even managed to tell his mom he’d be staying the night at Viktor’s without once stuttering or breaking eye contact. 

(His mother, of course, smiled warmly and simply said, “I hope you have fun, dear. Be safe!” while Mari cackled as Hiroko’s words caused Yuuri’s blush to spread all the way down his neck.)

Phichit elbowed him from his spot next to Yuuri in the too-large lecture hall. “Are you okay? You’re zoning out hardcore,” he whispered. 

Yuuri nearly dropped his pen at the contact, surprised. “A-ah, yeah, I’m just--I have something later and I’m excited is all.”

Phichit gasped and clapped his hands together as quietly as he could. “Does somebody have a hot date later?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Yuuri merely blushed in response and ducked his head. “Oh my gosh you totally do you sly dog--”

“Excuse me, is there something more interesting than Chinua Achebe’s critically acclaimed works going on over there?” a booming voice called from the front of the lecture hall. “Pay attention or I’ll have to ask you to leave class.”

The two mumbled apologies, Phichit trying his hardest not to let his smirk slip through his remorseful facade. He slyly texted Yuuri “ _ Fill me in on the details later, ok?” _ underneath the desk. Yuuri shook his head, but had a smile on his face, the lecturer droning on and on for another 30 minutes. 

* * *

Yuuri waved goodbye to Phichit, promising to text him later, “though maybe not until tomorrow….”

“Yuuri~! Get some!” Phichit laughed heartily and waved back while walking the opposite direction.

“Yuuri!” He instantly recognized the voice, whipping his head around to the source. Sure enough, Viktor was waving to him, already seated on the bench beneath the maple tree. Most of the leaves had fallen from the great plant, but a few yellow and orange leaves still clung desperately to a few branches. Crunchy, browning foliage littered the ground below in at least a ten foot radius. There, below the big beauty, sat an even more stunning human, and that man was  _ Yuuri’s boyfriend _ , somehow. Viktor patted the empty spot next to him on the bench, a wide smile plastered on his face. “I packed us a picnic lunch,  _ solnyshko! _ Come eat with me.” Yuuri obliged, overjoyed that Viktor thought of him while preparing his own lunch. “Who was that boy you were talking to? I haven’t seen him around.”

“Ah, his name is Phichit. He’s in my advanced historical lit class. We’ve been messaging the past few days and have a peer-editing session planned for that big paper coming up.” Yuuri glanced at the cliche picnic basket sitting at Viktor’s feet. “What did you pack for us?”

Viktor picked up the basket and set it in the minimal space between their thighs and opened the lid to reveal a whole spread--it all appeared to be loosely Spanish themed food. “Do I sense an up and coming rival both for your heart and your tutoring sessions? Yuuri, you scoundrel you!” he teased lightly as he pulled out a few variations of  _ tapas _ . 

“I--I! No, it’s not like that at all I swear!” Yuuri said, his hands raised defensively. 

The man laughed at Yuuri’s nervous behavior. “I’m only joking,  _ lyubov moya _ . I trust that I have fully captured your heart so that no other man might partake! Now, eat up!” He lifted a  _ patata brava _ to Yuuri’s mouth. 

Cheeks tinged pink, Yuuri opened his mouth reluctantly.  _ This is so ridiculous but Viktor is so gorgeous and he’s so excited to do this. _ He eyed the open basket and saw all sorts of cheese and olive assortments next to fancy-looking crackers, along with some mysterious-looking chunks of meat and potatoes.  _ Nevermind the fact this is incredibly intimate and happening in the middle of campus. _ Viktor smiled widely, lips shaped in a wide heart, as he waited for Yuuri’s reaction. “Oh, it’s, um, it’s really great Viktor!” Yuuri exclaimed, completely forgetting that his mouth was  _ full of half-chewed potatoes _ . 

Viktor only looked slightly mortified when little bits of spittle infused with Spanish snacks landed on his lap. 

_ Oh my god oh my god oh my god I practically just spit up food all over him oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.  _

“Viktor--oh my god Viktor I am so--oh my god I’m so sorry!” Yuuri practically screeched. He hastily began wiping away the crumbs from Viktor’s slacks, haphazardly brushing his hands this way and that in a vain attempt to get his gross… excrements away from Viktor’s body as possible. 

After one particular swipe, Viktor stiffened and gripped Yuuri’s wrist, stilling his movements. “Ah, it’s quite alright, Yuuri. No problem at all. I’m glad you enjoy it,” he gritted through clenched teeth. 

Yuuri glanced down at where Viktor’s hand and his wrist were joined. If Yuuri moved his fingers just a smidge, his palm would be flat against Viktor’s-- _ oh.  _ Yuuri’s face turned from a cute, wind-flushed pink to a full-on vermillion in 0.2 seconds flat. “I am--oh my god Viktor--I--oh my god I am so sorry please I wasn’t trying to… you know,” he managed out in one breath. He yanked his arm from Viktor’s white-knuckled grip (perhaps a little too roughly--Viktor only winced a little though, so it must have been okay, right?) and pushed down the urge to dig a ten foot hole in the ground for him to curl up into and  _ die _ . 

“It’s okay, Yuuri. You apologize too much.” Viktor beamed at his companion before taking a few bites of food himself. He offered some of the other morsels to Yuuri, and they easily fell into easy conversation. 

Three-quarters of the way through the picnic basket, Viktor raised his arms above his head in a stretch and hopped up from the bench. “Yuuri!”

Yuuri looked up from his crumb-covered lap. “Yes, Viktor?”

“Would you like to join me on a walk with Makkachin? I’m not sure if you were planning on going home before we went out tonight, so I thought I’d invite you along in case you weren’t.” Viktor leaned over at the waist so he was eye-level with Yuuri, their noses almost touching. He spoke softly, but with such conviction Yuuri couldn’t help but follow along every word as if they were beads on a string. 

“I’d love to walk Makkachin with you,” Yuuri said. He stood up and dusted the crumbs from his jeans. “Did you bring your car? I brought mine, but I can follow you if you also drove here.”

Viktor picked up the basket, placing the leftover  _ tapas _ inside gingerly. “I drove here but I’m letting Chris borrow my car again--”  _ Chris, that super hot guy who is ‘just a friend’  _ “--so we can ride together.” He took Yuuri’s hand in his and began walking toward the nearest student parking lot. 

Before long they ended up at Yuuri’s car. Like the gentleman Yuuri knows Viktor is, the brunette opens the passenger door first only to see his packed overnight bag sitting in the passenger seat, mocking Yuuri’s eagerness. He couldn’t help the flush that no-doubt took over his entire body. 

“Oh my, Yuuri! I didn’t think you’d take my advice to heart!” Without warning, Viktor spun Yuuri around and planted a sweet (but overwhelming all the same) kiss to his lips. “Oh,  _ solnyshko _ , I can’t wait to spend another night with you in my arms.” 

Somehow Yuuri managed to recover from the utter mortification he felt upon having to move his  _ overnight bag _ to the back seat. He only blushed a little bit on the (mostly silent) 15 minutes drive to Viktor’s place. When they arrived, Yuuri could hear the sounds of Makkachin walking about, occasional whines slipping under the door and into Yuuri’s earshot. 

Viktor unlocked the door and stepped inside and was immediately attacked by a big brown ball of fluff. He chuckled and dropped to his knees in the doorway, scratching Makkachin behind her ears. “Yuuri and I are home, Makka! Ready for a walk?”

_ Home. _

Yuuri tried not to overthink the fact that Viktor was telling Makkachin that Yuuri was  _ home, _ in  _ their home _ ; he tried not to think of all of the implications that came along with that statement. He tried his hardest not to freak out.  _ It’s just a turn of phrase. He probably meant it casually, like ‘Yuuri and I are in  _ my _ home,’ not ‘Yuuri and I are in  _ our _ home.’ Yeah, that’s got to be it.  _

“You can set your bag in the bedroom if you’d like. I’m going to grab Makka’s leash quickly and we’ll be all good to go!” Viktor’s voice (fortunately) broke Yuuri out of his downward spiralling thoughts. Yuuri’s eyes trailed after his TA as the man walked into the kitchen and opened a closet door. 

Shaking his head, Yuuri made his way to the bedroom, Makkachin following at his heels. With a warm smile on his face, Yuuri stopped for a moment to pet the dog before he remembered he had washed Viktor’s Tupperware from the other day ( _ What an awful day that was _ ). He quickly set down his overnight bag and dug out the clean plasticware. When he turned around, Viktor was leaning against the doorframe, his expression unreadable. Yuuri blushed lightly and thrusted the containers into Viktor’s vicinity. “I, um, cleaned the dishes you leant me the other day. Thanks, again, and I’m still so sorry I had to leave before we got the chance to eat together properly.”

Viktor shook his head and waved his hand in the air dismissively as he reached for his dishes. “Did you know you coo like you’re talking to a baby when you pet Makkachin?”

Yuuri absolutely wanted to die. His cheeks radiated heat all the way to the tips of his ears. “Uh, no, I didn’t know that. Um, I’m sorry if it was… weird. To look at. Or something.” 

“Don’t be silly,  _ solynshko _ . I found it utterly adorable!” Vikor gave Yuuri a chaste kiss on the cheek. “I’ll set this down and then we can head out.”

Suddenly unaware what to do with his hands, Yuuri stuffed his balled fists into his pockets and followed as quietly as possible behind Viktor.  _ Good, I “coo?” He must think I’m a total lunatic. _ Viktor lead him out of the front door and locked it behind him. Smiling brightly, he reached out for Yuuri’s hand, Makkachin’s leash clasped tightly in the other. The poodle took off instantly, basically dragging Viktor (and therefore Yuuri) behind her as she sped off into the parking lot. 

“Ah, she still acts like a puppy even though she’s hit her senior years already.” Viktor said apologetically. “Once we get to the dog park down the block and let her off the leash, you’ll truly see what a monster she can be.”

Yuuri smiled sweetly down at where Makkachin was frantically trying to run after a stray bird. “I think it’s sweet. I’ve missed having a dog around.”

Viktor gave Yuuri’s hand a reassuring squeeze. 

They fell into amicable silence as they made the rest of the trek to the fenced off park. Soon enough, Makkachin’s leash was unclipped from her collar and, sure enough, the dog bolted. Yuuri swore he could see cartoon dust clouds trail behind her as she ran to play with the other few dogs in the small park. 

“Yuuri! Look, there’s a bench over here. Come take a selfie with me!” Viktor pulled Yuuri along via their still connected hands. 

_ Shit, I look awful today. I haven’t had a chance to look in a mirror since this morning! What if my hair is doing something weird? What if there’s something in my teeth and Viktor is too nice to tell me? No, Viktor would probably tell me, he seems fairly shameless, and he’d probably think I wouldn’t die from the mortification of having to pick who knows what out of my teeth in front of the hottest person alive. _

But it turns out Viktor with a front-facing camera is ruthless and does not care how much you don’t want to take a picture. Viktor takes so many pictures. Yuuri isn’t sure he’s ever had that many pictures taken of him ever, let alone in the span of five minutes. “Yuuri! These are all so good! How am I supposed to pick just one to post to Instagram?”

“You could make a collage of the best ones.” Somehow Yuuri always manages to say the smartest things at the worst possible moment. Almost always, those words end up in  _ his _ embarrassment. 

“You’re so smart, Yuuri!” Viktor beamed at Yuuri before turned back to his phone, fingers tapping away, swiping and pinching to zoom in and out. Yuuri shook his head gently, anxious to see his pictures and the inevitable comments from “ _ christophe-gc _ .” 

They spend the next God knows how long chatting about their interests, sharing random stories (Viktor told Yuuri about the most intense prank war he’d ever heard, involving glitter, ranch dressing, and at one point 1000 paper cranes). People come and go from the park, Makkachin playing with all sorts of dogs throughout the afternoon. As the sun began to touch the horizon, the poodle came over to Viktor and Yuuri and laid down at their feet. The couple--too busy hanging onto each word the other spoke--didn’t notice that Makkachin had fallen asleep until Yuuri’s stomach gave a loud, angry grumble, disrupting the peace they’d created in their own little bubble. 

Viktor chuckled and scratched Makkachin behind her ears, waking the pup up. “We’ve been here for way too long, I think. How about dinner at my place?” He winked at Yuuri before standing up and stretching his arms above his head. His shirt rode up, revealing the washboard abs Yuuri has spent many a night dreaming about running his tongue over (and definitely just dreaming, not doing anything else while he thought of Viktor’s rippling muscles, of course). 

Yuuri’s cheeks flared red with the heat of embarrassing, perverted thoughts. “Um, yeah, that sounds great, Viktor.”

Sensing something weird in his voice, Viktor cocked his head to the side before taking Yuuri’s hand and leading them through the exit of the dog park. They fell into companionable silence as they walked, both enjoying the company. Makkachin’s nails  _ click-clacked _ against the pavement of the sidewalk rhythmically, background noise as Viktor swung his and Yuuri’s clasped hands between their bodies. 

Viktor had the goofiest smile on his face by the time they reached his apartment. He unlocked the door and gave Yuuri a quick peck on the lips, unhooking Makkachin’s lead. “I’ll get started on dinner, feel free to make yourself comfortable,  _ lyubov moya _ .” He disappeared around the corner, leaving Yuuri to his own devices. He didn’t know that to do with hands, or where to sit, or what to look at. 

_ Why am I so nervous? I’ve been here before. It’s not like Viktor is keeping me here against my will. _

A voice deep in the recesses of Yuuri’s mind mockingly whispered, “ _ Maybe not, but you’d like Viktor to hold you against a wall.” _

Yuuri flushed at his own thoughts, but nonetheless felt the hot curling of desire deep in his belly as the mental image of Viktor pushing him against a wall-- _ kissing him, licking into his mouth, biting lovemarks onto the column of his neck, hands groping and touching and grasping and searching _ \--flashed behind his eyelids. 

_ What am I thinking oh my god what is wrong with me? _

Yuuri had never thought of anyone in a remotely sexual manner but, gods, something about Viktor drove him absolutely  _ crazy _ . It wasn’t just his fit body or overtly good looks, either. No, Yuuri was in much too deep at this point. Lately he hadn’t been fantasizing purely about sexual escapades, but also of  _ domesticity _ . 

He’d had more than one dream about he and Viktor living in a lush one bedroom apartment somewhere exotic (or at least, not Detroit). He’d dreamt of them adopting a puppy together, a small companion for Makkachin, a creature they could raise  _ together _ . He’d dreamt of their day-to-day sickeningly sweet routine ( _ “I’m off to work, Yuuri. I’ll see you tonight,” Viktor would say as he grabbed the bagged lunch Yuuri painstakingly packed for him at an ungodly early hour. He would kiss Yuuri on the lips, his mouth lingering above Yuuri’s for a second longer than it should’ve. “I’ll give you a proper thank you later.” _ ) sprinkled with so much love it made Yuuri’s chest ache. 

Shaking his head to rid himself of the thoughts that surely overstepped boundaries, Yuuri peeked into the kitchen only to see Viktor painstakingly chopping vegetables which took up the entirely of the counter space. With a smile on his face, Yuuri asked, “Would you like some help prepping?”

Viktor looked up from his work, the crinkle in his brow disappearing, a warm smile that reached all the way to his eyes overtaking his face. “I’ll never say no to you, Katsuki Yuuri.”

About an hour later, Viktor plated a beautiful three course meal and Yuuri dug into his overnight bag, pulling out a well-worn copy of Breaking Bad season 5. During their cooking-dinner conversation Yuuri had discovered that he wasn’t alone in never getting around to watching the series final season. (“I watched season 4 as it was being released and by the time season 5 came out I’d moved on to something else,” Yuuri said. Viktor responded with an enthusiastic, “Yes! That’s what happened to be, and all my friends thought I was crazy for never finishing it.”) When Yuuri mentioned it to Phichit, the Thai boy simply insisted on borrowing his copy and watching it that weekend. 

“Yuuri, dinner is ready!” Viktor shouted from the living room (which consequently was also the dining room). Yuuri walked to the couch and grabbed his plate from Viktor, handing over the borrowed DVD. Viktor put it into his DVD player and took a seat next to Yuuri, their thighs touching. Yuuri’s skin tingled pleasantly under his jeans at the contact. 

As the opening to the show played, Yuuri took a bite from the paella. It was one of the best things he’d ever eaten--and the dish had a lot of competition since his mother was arguably the best cook in the world. “Wow, Viktor, this is amazing! Where did you learn to make this, of all things?”

Viktor smiled around his own bite of food and chewed thoughtfully. “I’ve spent some time in Spain, mostly Barcelona. It’s gorgeous and the food is amazing--the whole town is really vibrant. It’s like the entire city buzzed with energy all the time. It’s amazing in winter, especially.”

“Why were you in Spain? Seems kind of far from Russia.” Yuuri continued to eat his meal, the sounds of Breaking Bad playing in the background, nearly forgotten already. 

Raising a finger to his lips, Viktor “hmm”d quietly. “I will show you!” Viktor leapt from his seat, startling Yuuri in the process. He had to struggle to keep from spilling his food everywhere. Viktor headed into his bedroom and emerged a few minutes later carrying a taped-up cardboard box. “I don’t have much of it with me. I left most of it with my mother in Russia, but I took the really good stuff with me.” He set down the box and started to pull at the tape. Yuuri was officially intrigued. Once the tape was off, Viktor slid the box toward Yuuri. “Go on, open it.”

Curious, Yuuri set his plate down. He lifted the flaps on the box gingerly, expecting something weird to come jumping out at him or something equally absurd. Instead, when he opened the box, there lied…

_ A pile of medals? And is this--is this mesh and tulle part of a costume? _

A few framed pictures of a young Viktor ( _ oh my god he used to have long hair he was so beautiful my poor heart _ ) holding up medals of varying colors--mostly gold, of course. Yuuri looked to Viktor as he reached for one of the medals that looked weirdly familiar, questioning. Viktor nodded his head. 

He picked up the silver medal, running his fingers along the surface. It was a lot heavier than he was expecting. Yuuri flipped the award over in his hands and his heart did a little stuttering thing he was slowly getting used to. 

There, embossed neatly on the medal, were the words  _ Viktor Nikiforov, 2010 Winter Olympic Games. _

Yuuri’s head snapped up to look at Viktor, who was absently eating his food while watching the TV. “Y-you competed in the Olympics? Viktor, you won!”

Viktor chuckled lowly, eyes never leaving the screen in front of him. “I didn’t win, but I was close.”

“Viktor! You used to be a--” Yuuri’s eyes darted back to the box and saw an obviously well-loved pair of ice skates with gold blades. “--you used to ice skate?”

Smiling, Viktor set his plate down and turned to Yuuri. “I was a figure skater for a long time, yes. But once I started going to university, I had less time to train and realized… I didn’t really want to skate anymore. I didn’t have a reason to.”

Yuuri stared down at the medals in the box--there had to be dozens. And Viktor had said this was only a few of them? “Viktor, you were obviously so good, and you  _ got a silver medal at the Olympics _ ! How could you--you stopped to go to school? Why--how--you’re a math major!”  _ You had a future doing great things _ . 

“Skating isn't something you just  _ do, _ Yuuri, it’s a lot of time and practice and commitment, and I felt… uninspired. You can be the best figure skater in the world, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t perform with feeling.” Viktor’s smile left his face, his eyes shone with regret. “It’s why I lost the gold medal in the Olympics.” He shook his head, picking his plate up once more. “Besides, it’s all in the past now anyway. I don’t usually tell people about it because it’s not that big of a deal. I cut my hair and moved on.”

_ Not that big of a deal? My boyfriend is a figure skating champion and it’s not a big deal? _

“I--I just. Wow, Viktor. Um, thanks for telling me. It’s really…” Yuuri couldn’t find the words.  _ Thank you for telling me what is obviously a big secret. Thank you for trusting me. I’m in shock because you’re a world-class athlete and I haven’t been to a gym in two years. _ “Neat,” he ended up saying because foot-in-mouth syndrome is a very serious medical condition. 

“You can call me Vitya, if you’d like.”

Yuuri spied Vikor from the other side of the couch. “Is that a nickname?” he asked gently. 

Viktor shook his head and took another bite. “In Russian, names have certain diminutives, kind of like nicknames I suppose. They’re usually reserved for people you’re close to.” He looked over at Yuuri with a soft smile on his face. “Actually, I’d like it if you called me Vitya.”

“Okay,” Yuuri breathed out, “Vitya.”

The blonde man positively glowed as he beamed at Yuuri in response to the name.

* * *

 

Three episodes into the TV show, Viktor heard soft snores from beside him just as a pressing weight landed roughly onto his shoulder. He looked down only to see Yuuri sleeping away, curled into Viktor’s side. Viktor’s chest constricted as he started at the most beautiful man on Earth. 

He stood and, with little struggle, pulled Yuuri off the couch and into his arms bridal-style. He padded into the bedroom and placed Yuuri carefully on the bed. Yuuri tossed slightly in his sleep, his hands grabbing at his jeans as if trying to pull them down. 

**_It can’t be very comfortable to sleep in jeans. Shit._ **

Viktor internally debated whether or not he should rid Yuuri of his pants, finally deciding that he would rather Yuuri sleep comfortably. Thus, with bated breath, Viktor undid Yuuri’s belt as quietly and cautiously as he could, and tugged down the denim from Yuuri’s hips. He thought about also removing Yuuri’s shirt, but the brunette was wearing a regular t-shirt, so he decided against it. 

Smiling longingly at Yuuri’s peaceful face, Viktor remembered that Yuuri told him he usually had to work weekends at his parents’ restaurant, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about having to work the next day. He took his lip between his teeth and chewed as he debated waking Yuuri up to ask--the last thing Viktor wanted was for Yuuri to be late again because he stayed at Viktor’s place. 

**_Mari and I exchanged numbers! I can ask her._ **

He pulled out his phone and began a quick message to Mari, hoping she was still up.

_ [sent]: Hey Mari, it’s Viktor. Does Yuuri have to work tomorrow? _

_ [received]: no, twerp got the day off when he told mom he was sleeping with you _

Viktor blushed at the innuendo, but brushed it off when he recalled Yuuri telling him that the Katsukis didn’t speak English very much.  **_Must be a little slip of the tongue, maybe she doesn’t understand what that implies._ **

_ [received]: spending the night at your place** sorry, a little Freudian slip _

_ [received]: *winky face emoji* _

Viktor’s cheeks grew hot.

_ [received]: *eggplant emoji* *water squirt emoji* _

The texts kept coming in with rapid-fire speed. Viktor scrambled to type a response before Mari went on. 

_ [sent]: pls stop _

_ [sent]: nothing happened pls _

_ [sent]: thx for letting me know goodnite _

_ [received]: just be safe and don’t hurt my baby brother, k? _

_ [sent]: wouldn’t dream of it _

Three dots appeared on the conversation screen, but after a few moments no text came. Viktor re-read the texts, wondering if maybe he said something wrong.  **_Shit!_ **

_ [sent]: i mean i wouldn’t dream of hurting yuuri! Not that i wouldn’t dream of being safe _

_ [sent]: I’m very careful _

_ [received]: …. _

_ [received]: *thumbs up emoji* _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the rating will probably go up either next chapter or the chapter after that. I don't foresee there being many more chapters in this fic to be completely honest, but I need to sit down and outline the rest of the story before I can really change that ? to an actual number! The chapters have been getting a lot longer (and my transitions worse) so that will also affect the future of this fic.
> 
> thanks to everyone for sticking to this story! Your kudos, bookmarks, and comments do not go unnoticed! :) I'm really terrible at responding to comments and I'm so sorry but literally my email inbox is so crazy 110% of the time so a lot of the time I'll read the email and completely forget to respond! I'll work on it I swear! 

**Author's Note:**

> TBH before i posted this here i didn't even read over it? this was written months ago so I hope it's okay? Thanks for reading! ^^


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